Mar 3, 2009

My Momma Met My Daddy On The T.V.

I don't know why I used that title but as I watching The Bachelor: After The Final Rose tonight, and seething through my teeth, I thought it up in my head and giggled at it.

And after 108 hours of Jason Mesnick, I needed a good giggle.

I've never been one for watercooloer talk...(oh, who am I kidding? I would put a watercooler up in my living room if it meant you all would come by and talk to me about the latest scoop.)...but this season of The Bachelor has got me all fernickdadiggled. (I don't know, but Rose used it once on episode 208 of The Golden Girls "All Bets Are Off". Must be a St. Olaf thing.)

I am going to need you all to leave me and Meridith a comment about your thoughts because we are really wanting to discuss this with the AG and Bubba and well, they just don't seem to care very much. I spent twelve hours telling the AG every last detail and the only thing he said was, "So you're saying he picked the girl with the bangs or the other one?"

What??

They both had bangs!!! Sorta. But that is so not the point. Although I would like to state for the record that the man knows me well enough to know that I can't really trust a woman unless she has some good "bang-age", so suffice it to say I certainly don't devote an entire season of television with her no-banged self - unless they are stately and side swept like Melissa or Jillian. Thank you.
And I would also like to say to Molly, "girl, you do not know how to work a good bang. Puh-leeze, girlfriend."

But Jason Mesnick, Mr. Dapper, Mr. Daddy 2009, Mr. All-I-Want-Is-To-Love-And-Be-Loved-In-Return, went and did the unthinkable. Dumped a woman on national television.

Now Jason. You can do a lot of things.
You can kiss several women and tell them all that you'll call 'em.
You can look one woman in the eye while goosin' another.
You can smile for the camera and you can lie for the camera.
You can drink 19 bottles of wine a night.
You can even lose the ability to ever father another child after spending that much time in a hot tub.

But you cannot - I repeat, CAN NOT - dump a TEXAS GIRL ON T.V.

Now that's not to say that you can dump a Ohioan (is that a word) or a Georgian or even a Arizonian, it just means that none of them will call their brother's drinkin' buddies and have them burn your house down at night.

A Texas girl will.

As she should.

Or at least this one should.

So Melissa! Take heart! Your heart will not be broken for long. For you, my dear, may have been dumped on national television but I betcha I know what will make it allllllll better.







It might not be a tux. But there's nothing like a man in uniform.


Oh, and he doesn't drink wine.
He once got a rash in a hot tub.
And he'll be glad to take you out just as soon as he gets back from burning down someones home.
That's a Texas man, for ya.

17 comments:

Midwest Mommy said...

I have heard it was all scripted this year and Jason was contracted to go along with all of this and dump a girl on tv in the end. Jerkface!
What made me want to puke was Molly's reaction. Ugh! Seriously? She has however now have him by the balls for the rest of his life. Jason doesn't want to take the garbage out....remember how you proposed to Melissa? Jason doesn't want to mow the lawn....remember how you broke up with me and sent me away in a limo? Remember buddy Molly has got you by your balls for life now...and they lived happily ever after.

Kori said...

I was watching and all I wanted was for Molly to give him the what for.

But she didn't.

And could someone please give the girl a hairbrush. The messy look drives me insane.

Lisa said...

All I could think was that Melissa was one girl who knew how to keep her composure and stay classy while she was sitting on that couch and listening to his "blah, blah, blah.."

I was rooting for him to be happy but now I think he deserves whatever he gets. I'm thinking when Molly realizes that he's somewhat lacking in the "ca-honies" department and he starts crying during a fight she'll be moving on up the road.

Anonymous said...

Gotta say it-a man in uniform (even a UPS uniform) gets my engine going. LOL You have a cutie pie cousin, Melissa. And from what I have read, has a sense of humor to match. So...if that Melissa shows no interest, I will be waiting in the shadows. LOL

Kat said...

Girl, you gave me a chuckle this morning! (and boy, did I need one, too!)

I loved your reference to the Golden Girls- that show will never get old... (there's a joke in there somewhere, I think...)

And even though I have never watched the Bachelor (resist the urge to throw things, y'all, sorry- I really am sorry!) your commentary was hilarious anyhow.

P.S. Can I still read your blog if I need a serious haircut and my sideswept "bangs" are really too long to still be classified as them?

Me said...

First of all, what kind of idiot does it take to dump a former DCC for a girl who only can wear her hair in a ponytail???

I want to buy Molly some VO5 Hotoil treatment. Seriously...someone fix that girl's hair!!

Melissa will be thankful today when she's at Ninfa's eating cheese enchiladas and sipping a margarita, while Molly is left with a life of baked salmon and rain.

Remember the Alamo, Melissa!!!

~H

Becky D said...

Oh...I'm so mad I wasted 108 hours watching that butt head. GAWWW! I truly do love Melissa though and a man in uniform can make everything better!

Jo Ann said...

I can't understand why either of them would want the cry baby! OMG he crys over everything! Molly better know that Ty is going to come first in his life...no matter what! I agree that Melissa's brothers should pay him a visit!
On another note....it was so good to see Bubba back Sunday! I can't wait for you all to get back for good!
Love you!
Jo Ann

Tracie said...

Thanks for the giggles this morning.
You hit the nail on the head!

Janis said...

Don't watch the bachelor but I did have to see the recap just to see what all the fuss is about. Doggone, I love reality TV but sometimes it bites you in the heiney! PS- Ohioan IS a word and I happen to think my big brothers would have had a word or two (or at least tip a few cows) for any scamp who would do this to their sister!

Lynda said...

Amen, and God Bless Texas!

Bonnie said...

I can't tell you how disappointed I was with last night and what's worse? How many young women think Jason is a "real" man and just "sensitive?" It got me thinking last night when Molley went all soft when he asked for another chance. What a waste of time. I fought the urge to watch this year because I'm sorry, 25 women vying for the affections of one man just has "hissy cat fight" written all over it and I wasn't in the mood to get frustrated every Monday. Back on target with last night (started down a rabbit trail) - What ticked me off even more was I actually felt sorry for him last season when D pulled HER stuff. I'm done with the Bachelor, though, I think. If I want to see it, I can go to a bar and watch any day of the week - I don't need to put up with it in my own home. And don't even get me started on the hair. Melissa, well, dignity only begins to cover what she walked out of that place with and I was just so proud of her. I'm not even from Texas but I agree with y'all - Go Texas!

Desha said...

My husband was sitting next to me as I was watching and said, "He just went fromn the most-loved Bachelor to the most hated in 1.2 seconds. nice."

I can't wait to see what ATFR 2 is about tonight.

Trish said...

I think Melissa summed it up the best when she said
"you are such a bastard" to him!!

Ya know what, jason? You had us all. You played us all. We had admiration and sympathy and lust for you. You WERE the most amazing bachelor ever. Until last night, and last night it was unanimously decided by women all over the world that you are a skank. Yep, we all decided that. And i'm pretty sure that we all wished Molly would have just smacked you and walked away. But she didn't.

so Jason Messnick, it's over beween you and me. tonight, right after I watch the After the After the final Rose show, it's over.

Sissy said...

This little scandle is all over the blogosphere today. Scrapper Mom pulled up an article that said that tonight he will go back to Melissa. Man, I'm gonna tune in.

Melissa said...

I have been following this every stinking Monday, since it's start and about a week and half ago, I found Reality Steve. I have to say, at first I didn't really believe what he was saying about our little bach-turd, but now that all is said and done.......I think he knew what he was talkin' bout.

www.realitysteve.com

Melissa is a classy woman. That's all I have to say about the whole thing. I think ABC and Mr. Mesnick have known for a while that he was going to pick Molly in the end. It made for "the most dramatic After the Final Rose in Bachelor history." I'm boycotting the show from now until next season.....:) No, but really. Mr. UPS man, send the resume to Texas.....I think you might be on to something there......

Melissa said...

Just a note of clarification:

When I said "Bach-turd" I wasn't euphimising the word bastard, but Bachelor....

I needed to clear that up. Thanks.