Mar 24, 2009

I Can't Show Pictures.

If I were to post pictures of this past weekend on this blog it would immediately take my blog to an "R" rating and thousands of pervs who like gore and humiliation would flock here like martins to a gourd.

Do you know what a gourd looks like when it has martins flocking to it? It ain't pretty, my friend.

(Actually I have no idea what that saying even means, but my mom says it all the time so I'm assuming it's pretty rad.)

This weekend the stomach virus showed up knocking at our door. At first I was like, "No, stomach virus, you may not come in. Jesus lives here." But then Remi was all, "Oh mom, let him in. He just wants to play. He won't hurt anything. Honest." And then I was all, "But Remi he will come in and try to steal that which is most precious: mommies time."

But she was all...well, suffice it to say - she won.

He came in. And he stayed.

He stayed for 24 hours and played / wreacked havoc on Remi. Then he decided to stay and wreak havoc on Rocco. Then he decided to stay and wreak havoc on my mom. And at this point I looked him directly in the eye and said, "So help me stomach virus, if you come anywhere near me..." I didn't really have a clever way to end that sentence, but let's just say he got the picture because 48 hours later and I am still in the clear.

There was a moment this past weekend when I was reminded of the words of that 1975 true Poet Laureate, Helen Reddy. I really am woman! HEAR ME ROAR! It might have been somewhere between washing three loads of laundry all before 7am due to vomit on the sheets. Maybe it was when a 6 month old decided that vomiting down my nightgown seemed as good a place as any. Or maybe it was when I went to tuck a 2 year old into bed and caught her vomit in my hands.

Oh, yes. I am woman! Hear me roar!

And listen, lest you all think I am some kind of superwoman that you aspire to be just like, please know that I am not. I am just like you. I put my pants leg on one at a time, too. I just do it at a super normal rate of speed and they are size 2 jeans. Hey, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Or because I reak.


Rhonda said...

A halter top and pants to the rib cage is a great look. Why did we ever stop dressing like this?? lol

I'm glad you've avoided the flu so far! My family had it at Christmas last year, and I ask Mr. Stomach Virus to either let me get it right away or to wait until after the wedding I was photographing a few days after Christmas. Mr. Stomach Virus made his appearance on my way TO the wedding. Oh, it was awful! He is not my friend.

Stay strong my reeky friend!

Lynda said...

Congrats on getting Stomach Virus out of your house! Now, stop letting 2 yr olds choose who comes in ;-)

Lacey said...

That video is awesome, haha. I hope everyone is feeling better!

Faith(ful) Reader said...

Lord have mercy, I had forgotten how much I like that song (except for the cheesy line about being an "embryo with a long, long way to go." What ever happened to Helen anyway? Thanks for that little trip down memory land, pal. And the vomit visuals require me to go pour a big glass of wine. Now. Thanks for that, too:)

Karen said...

Why is it, really, that we Moms feel it is even remotely possible to catch our little peoples' vomit in our hands. It is not gonna work, I know this, however I have tried on several occasions (twice in the car....)
Glad you escaped the wrath of the virus!!!!