Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby.

I'm sure that my wife will be back tomorrow to tell you all how fast our arteries clogged at this year's "Day of Thanks Feast of Champions." But I thought she ought to take the day off since it's her birthday.

And if there's one thing I've learned in all our years together, it's that the woman takes her birthday seriously. Very very seriously.

For instance, there was the one year that I gave her a surprise party at her favorite sushi restaurant the same day she got hair extensions. And she cried the whole way home because she had yet to adjust to her "new look" before all her friends saw her. That was a nice night.

Or then there was the year that I bought her the tennis shoes she'd been wanting but she found them 2 weeks before her birthday and therefore made me get her something else on the day of. But in her defense I did leave them in the Nike box, laying on the kitchen counter, with the price tag on them. So by all standards it wasn't a really great surprise.

After about ten years of marriage I figured that Melissa only liked birthdays that pulled out all the stops. So one year I kidnapped her from work, had packed her bags for her and flew her to see an Amy Grant Christmas musical in D.C. - even got her backstage to meet Amy. I was a king that year. Heck, I was a king that night. (There's some male humor for ya.)

But I can honestly say I found the key to my best friends heart about four years ago.

Thankfully she isn't the kind of woman that has to be flown around the country to meet famous people. She doesn't require the nicest footwear or fancy nights out on the town. If you want to know the key to her heart, here's what you do:

1. Take her to Chik-fil-A. Don't ask her, "Do you want the number one?" Just say, "What would you like?" And let her get whatever, and as much, as she wants.

2. Help her stuff it all in her purse. Even the 14 packages of barbecue sauce and the large Diet Coke. Don't lose your temper when she spills half of it.

3. Take her to the movie she's been dying to see.

4. Spread your Chik-fil-A out once the movie starts. Let her use your lap for all her sauce, and napkins and nuggets.

5. About one hour into the movie she will ask for popcorn. Just say, "absolutely."

6. When the movie is over she will look at you and tell you that it was the best birthday ever. And she'll mean it. And it only cost about $30.

I don't know about you, but that's my kind of woman.

I love her. And I hope she has a Happy 21st Birthday.

- The Attorney General