Yo Mamma!

Today is my mom's birthday. What to do...what to do.

It's gotta be BIG! Because let's face it, the woman is turning 56, and well, there won't be that many more years to celebrate. Know what I'm sayin'?

So this might call for one of those Edible Arrangements.

An Edible Arrangement? Seriously? Those things are cruel. You get this big box and are thinking that finally! A Honey Baked Ham. God heard me! But no. It's fruit. *By the way...don't ever send me an Edible Arrangement. Not that you would ever have reason to send me anything, but if you did, do not send me fruit on a stick. It will not be appreciated and in fact, there's a good chance I will just tell the delivery man to hightail it on over to "old man's" house across the street. Because I have a feeling if anybody would appreciate fruit on a stick, it's "old man."

Or flowers. I know she loves flowers.

But the only time I ever sent my mom flowers was when I was a freshman in college. (And I would just like to go on record as saying that the rest of this story is what happens when a mom raises a daughter to "talk...to share...to open up".) So I called her my freshman year in college just to tell her all the details about my first make-out session with the AG. My dad told me she cried herself to sleep. So I sent her flowers to ultimately erase the horrific visions she had been battling. Apparently, flowers do not always help.

So instead of ham, fruit, flowers, or graphic memories I give her this...

Things That Are Special About My Mom On This Her Birthday:

by me and the Attorney General and Meridith,

since we are all sitting around talking about her anyway.

1. Her chocolate chip cookies. Because the dough is perfect and she always let me lick the beaters. Plus, they just taste the best. - Meridith

2. Her unique ability to forget the things she chooses not to remember. - Melissa and Meridith

3. The fact that she has been successful at dodging any form of yard work for the last 41 years. - The AG

4. The way she will end every phone conversation we have with the words, "I gotta go." But when I try to end a phone conversation with the words, "I gotta go," she actually says "no you don't" and continues talking. - Melissa

5. The way she tells stories on her own mother that she thinks are hilarious. And little does she know she is turning into her mother a little more, every. single. day. - Melissa, The AG and Meridith

6. Whenever you enter her home, even if it's the very first time you've ever been there, you feel like you grew up there. - Meridith

7. Her abnormal passion for wedding punch. - Melissa and Meridith

8. She loves her a good moo-moo. - The AG

9. She's a GREAT cook! - Melissa

10. To this day if you ask any of my Golden Girls who talked to them about sex, they will inevitably say, "your mom!" - Melissa

11. She loves me. No, I mean it. The woman is wild about me. - The AG

12. She's my best friend. - Melissa