Sep 16, 2008

Flo.Rita.

That title grabbed your attention didn't it? I am known for my titles, after all.

Really I'm not. But I'd like to be known for something and so I guess I will just award myself with the title of being known for titles. Uhhh...I'm rambling.

Anyhoo, I know there is some crazy young rapper guy (I am a 30 year old, extrememly caucasian female, can you tell?) that has betwixt himself the name FLO.RIDA. Which I find particularly clever if you are, in fact, from Florida - but ridiculous if you are, in fact, from Des Moine. I don't know much about him, granted, but it isn't because I have anything against crazy young rapper guys - it's just because I don't listen to the hard stuff.

Now, if he had toured (or was currently touring with) 4Hymn - then maybe I would know him. But if not, then I'm lost.

Durn it. Rambling again.

But I couldn't help but spot a picture of Mr. Flo.Rida the other day as my Billboard magazine obsessed husband left it lying out (AGAIN!) on the kitchen counter. Normally, a husband leaving a magazine laying out on the kitchen counter would not promote such irrationality from a wife, but Billboard magazine is different. It is, literally, 3x the size of normal magazines and is usually covered with pictures of musicians that are either a.) young, beautiful and air-brushed or b.) terrifying. There seems to be no in-between.

I'm sorry but I cannot cook a Paula Deen dinner while a fresh faced Leona Lewis looks up at me with her big brown eyes that scream, "Eat that? Never look like this."

Sheesh.

Or then there was the day he brought it in and left it laying out on purpose because the cover was absolutely terrifying. I'm serious. Terrifying. There were some people wearing masks - and if you have read my blog for very long then you know I DO NOT get along with people who wear masks. That cover...oh, I dare not speak of it. Ever. Let's just say that I ripped the devil-spawned cover off the front, ripped it up, threw it in the trash and proceeded to walk throughout my house with some oil and a prayer cloth.

*The AG is currently reading over my shoulders and would like it to be known that he does not subscribe to this magazine for pictures of Leona Lewis, satan's favorite band, or even Mr. Flo.Rida. But for the articles that deal with his area of the music business and for the current listing of charts which cannot be found anywhere else.

*I would also like to add that if you believe that, then I have a 1990 Honda I would like for you to take a look at that is in top-notch condition with only 2800 miles.

As I was saying...or trying to say...Mr. Flo.Rida really needs to look into a nice, Old Navy belt. Or maybe some suspenders. Something for the love of pete that will keep the man's pants up. Bless his heart, that can't be comfortable. If you don't believe me check out his website (which I will not be linking here for reasons that will, indeed, be obvious if you were to check out his website.)

I mean, just last week my bra strap kept slipping off my shoulder. I griped under my breath all day - came home - took it off - and marched it straight to the closest trash can. AND THAT WAS A STRAP FOR GOODNESS SAKE! Imagine what I would have done with pants. (Not that I've ever known the feeling of pants slipping down. Nope. Not ever.)

But Mr. Tramar "Flo.Rida" Dillard, do our young people a favor and pull your pants up. Look what you've started, even in our house? And we're Republican.




And apparently Remi saw the lovely young lady Mr. Flo was posed with on his website; I imagine she would heartily approve of this shirt. In fact, there's a good chance she owns several.



Yes, it says, "I'd Rather Be Naked." And believe you me, Remi would. Or as I now proudly refer to her as, Flo.Rita.

You can call her that, too. But she probably won't answer.

So what are we creating here? A rappy little freak monster, that's what. So I tell you this much, I am ending that subscription to Billboard magazine TODAY! And will replace it with Pat Robertson's 700 Club magazine. The AG will never notice the difference.

18 comments:

Britt said...

I agree .. I totally don't get the saggin' trend.

The naked thing? Yeah it's big here too .. among my children, of course :o) now that my two year old i helping my one year old out of her clothing, I just can't win!

Shelley said...

You know, I wonder if they knew how that saggin' britches trend started, if they would be so hasty to imitate it.
It was started in the prison system. And a man who wore his outer pants sagging and showing his undergarments or even his (gasp) behind, showed the other inmates that he was "easy" and "ready". So I find it ironic that all the big, bad boys are wearing their britches sagging.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this world is coming to Sodom and Gomorrah type proportions if all the men I have seen walking around with sagging pants really are "ready" for some lovin.
YIKES.

monica said...

the scary thing... mr. flo.rida is wearing a belt. can't imagine where the buckle is??!

Wep said...

OMG that is too cute. I love it.

Tabi said...

You would think they would get tired of having to hold on to their britches everytime they walked, maybe that is why that walk with their feet 16 feet apart everytime so their pants can't fall completley down to their ankles!

Sarah W. said...

You are hilarious. I would love to be a fly on the wall of your home to hear some conversations!!

This is really random.....and maybe you've addressed it before (I am relatively new here)....but does AG have your sense of humor? Is he as funny as you?

I only ask because my husband is hilarious (like you). I am not funny (Its a bad delivery issue), but I do get his humor. But some people do not get him, which would have made for an interesting marriage. So thats why I ask!!! Does that make sense?

KimmyJ said...

Too Cute!!

Lynda said...

I agree with Sarah - you are hilarious. Can't wait to hear Flo.Rita's new CD!

KO said...

Well then do NOT catch even one round of the chorus of his hit "Low". You will be singing it forever and ever...sadly, it's catchy.

Rhonda said...

I'm with you 100%!!! I don't understand a) what they find attractive about their tighty-whitey's showing, b) how it can possibly be attractive and c) how on earth this fad has stayed around so long!!!

I was on my way home from college in 1993 when I saw it for the first time. I gave that young man the gears and laughed at him and told him he looked like an idiot.

I told my daughter's boyfriend that Christmas is coming and he most surely may expect a belt. Then he broke up with her. Hmmmm. Priorities a little whacky perhaps?

Ronnica said...

Cute droopy drawers! But it's not cute on older boys or men (can I call them that?).

Rhea said...

haha Remi's got style. And she's all that and a bucket of flowers. Love her.

Ashley said...

Awww... I totally love that shirt! (you know for kids it's cute.... not for myself)

Sissy said...

I used to teach at a school where I saw boxer's all the time, sister. It weren't pretty and if it wasn't the trend, I don't think anyone would wear them like that. Pull them up! I said it all the time.

Robin said...

Oh I'm just reeling in all the witty blogs to my blog roll tonight, lol! Love Jesus too, He's the Man! Hope you wil stop by my blogs and say hey! Have a great week.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I can just see her booty-dancing now!

Tabi said...

Lol...I woke up this morning to find this article on my main yahoo page...had to leave the link for it here!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080916/od_afp/usfashionjusticeoffbeat

Love it!

Anonymous said...

It's Des Moines!!!