Jun 25, 2008

We've landed. Thank the sweet Lord on His Holy hill we have landed.

VBS. VBS. Whereforarthou VBS?

7:30 AM - I wake up late. What?? Remi decides to sleep in today of all days? You have got to be kidding me.

8:47 - I have decided that aside from packing and getting myself and Remi dressed, now would be a good time to call the Financial Aid office at my school and determine the status of my school loans.

8:49 - Hang up the phone because they won't quit using hard words that I don't understand, like "outstanding" and "pay."

9:38 - We are running late. Remi wants her sippy cup. My hair is falling from the humidity. I yell because The Attorney General won't cut on the air in the car and get it circulating for me. He begs me to go in the house and take some anti-anxiety medicine. I tell him we don't have anything like that. He offers to "mix me something up."

11:00 - Remi and I's flight leaves in 15 minutes and I can't decide between Wendy's or Manchu Wok in the new Nashville Food Court.

11:55 - We're off! I plug up a little Tom and Jerry for the Remster. I feed her pieces of hamburger while I down an egg roll.

12:15 PM - Remi wipes her mayo on my arm 32 times in a row. I spill soy sauce on my shirt. She doesn't want her sippy. She wants my Coke. "NO! Tom and Jerry! NO! Tom and Jerry. I want see Donkey...I want see Donkey."

12:48 - Remi has sat in frozen silence watching Shrek, with her headphones securely fastened, until.....she screams a bloodcurdling "OH MY GOOOODDDNNEESSSS." The six rows around us laugh. She never hears a thing.

1:50 - We have landed. Nonie and Poppy are there waiting for us. Remi screams again. A good scream. I have sweated through my clothes. I hand her off.

2:15 - Poppy pulls through Wendy's. I eat twelve fries.

2:27 - Poppy pulls over so I can throw up.

2:52 - Poppy pulls over so I can throw up.

3:00 - Promise Poppy that the next time I fly I will let the Attorney General "mix me up a little something" first, to stem off the nerves.

4:45 - Remi jumps into the pool with Mallory, Bailey, Andy and Ben. She has arrived in heaven.

5:40 - I miss the Attorney General already.

6:20 - My mom bakes a homemade cake and pours the chocolate icing on it while it is still hot. It pretty much falls in the middle and looks doughy and messy. And I remember why it is I LOVE IT when she cooks.

7:15 - Ben puts Remi in a plastic box and closes the lid. We find her punching the sides to get out. I imagine she is just fine, so I take a picture to be used later on this blog. I later hear they passed me over for "Mother of the Year."

8:20 - Nonie screams for me to come HELP HER! HELP HER! I fly out of the house in my pajamas to see Remi running around the pool. "What is it?" "Melissa, she's going to fall in and get hurt." "So don't let her. Make her stop." "She doesn't want to." "Mom, you don't give her a choice. You make her mind or spank her." "Weeeeelllll now, she just got here."

8:23 - I give them both a spanking.

15 comments:

KimmyJ said...

So funny! Makes me want to take a stress filled, anxiety ridden trip back home. Nothing like it!! :) Have fun!

ugagirl30 said...

And that's why I never take my children anywhere. It is that times 3 while my husband sits reading or picking his nose or something...whatever it is that he does. (Okay, he doesn't actually pick his nose in public. But you get the idea.)

Big Nanny said...

The children's pastor came over to my side of the church yesterday wanting to know if anyone had "borrowed" like 20 cans of icing.

Apparently, 1)they let someone work in the snack shack who they obviously did not run a background check on.
2)they let someone work in the snack shack who normally would NEVER work in the snack shack.
3) They didn't know that they had any "flight risk" people working VBS.

Not kiddin'! 20 cans of icing GONE MISSIN! Do you know anything about this??????

Deanna said...

Let us know what your anti-anxiety concoction is...I'll go home and make a pitcher of it. Or a bowl...a big bowl.

Lula! said...

Again, Nonie & Mamaw Pinky were separated at birth.

You are HUH-sterical. Even in Texas.

Share some of that cake, darn you. And why did you take the 20 cans of icing? Fess up.

Z's Mom said...

That is hilarious. Hope you feel better from your flight. Well, you got cake so of course you feel better. I wish I was at Nonie's swimming right now!

Z's Mom said...

Hi Melissa Lee....I too would be greatly honored if you added me to your blog list. SWEET!!!!!

Deanna said...

Had to post again...Speaking of cake, I gave you a shout-out on my blog. Have fun while in Houston!

Nash deVille said...

I recently flew with my kids and this had me cracking up! Missed the Wendy's in the food court, we had crap from news store. :)

Staci said...

i love this!!! you are sooo cute and funny, i am like nonie though, paranoid as all get out!!! specially around the pool....i get hives just thinkin about it!!

hey check out my "real raggin wed" blog, it is an easy way to forgive those we have "issues" with, while makin it fun!!! I would love it if you would partcipate!!! Heres the link : http://theloalbos.blogspot.com/2008/06/real-raggin-wed-first-rag.html

Sissy said...

I am not a great flyer either and I had my doctor give me some stuff to get me through it. We flew to Florida and I only had to grab my husband's hand once, since I was floating nicely in a drug induced cloud. You should try it!

The cake sounds good...did you steal that icing to bring to your Mom for that cake?

Trish said...

Hey icing thief,

i posted my recipe on my blog.

Love,
the serial killer


ps.....glad you made it there safely!

One- said...

Nice, ain't life grand! Kids - wow! My 6 year old actually kicked a hole in her sisters bedroom door the other day. When I found her, because she was hiding, she actually had the nerve to say....."I have anger issues, ok!" I promptly said, "this isn't some episode of Zach and Cody. Where on earth did you get that from?" The fun days of summer! Hang in there-

Kimba said...

Thanks for the sweet comment, dahlin'.

Why is it that the children only sleep in on days when we have somewhere to be?

Swirl Girl said...

family vacations....great fun, huh?