Jun 18, 2008

Oh No, He Di'int.

Durn me for ever putting that little Email Me sign on the side of my blog. People actually take me up on it. Not that I could run very far from this man.

So here is the email I received yesterday from someone I love. Loved. Sorry, someone I loved.

Melissa,
I really do enjoy reading your blog, really I do.
But I'm starting to wonder if you know ANYONE besides YOU!

Love,
Dad

Uuhhhhh.....

So where do I go from here? Seriously. Tell me. Now that I know my dad no longer loves me and thinks having me was a mistake, where do I go? What do I do?

Who will hide money in my house when he leaves, then when I call him crying, will tell me to go look under the plant in the upstairs bonus room?

Who will take my car and have it detailed for me when he's here because he thinks it's "the dirtiest car he's ever seen?" And also fill it with gas.

Who will pay for our meal and when we protest say, "I'll stop paying for dinner the minute I stop being your dad."

Who will tell me how proud they are of me and how beautiful I look in one breath, only to tell me to "quit slouching and stand up straight", in the other?

Who will still look in to the eyes of a 34 year old woman and say, "Pull my finger" as if it's the first time I've ever heard it. (That 34 year old woman is me, by the way, he doesn't just do that with random 34 year olds. Yet.)

But now what will I do, since in that email he is quite obviously saying he never loved me and I should consider myself orphaned.

So would you help me? Would you leave my dad a comment letting him know that not only is he loved - but he's also produced a pretty great kid. (Okay, that would be me. Catch up.) Not to mention the fact that he lives with my mom and has his hands full keeping her reigned in. Now that's what I call devotion.

Leave him a message.

I'll start.

Dad,

I do know other people. But they ALL say they want to hear about me. Honest! I've asked them...50, 60 times. Sure, some of them paused, but I know what that pause meant. I'm a smart girl. They want ME and they were just too shy to say it.
I love you dad. You are so funny. And good. And just because you wanted a "shout out" in the Stretch Marks Gazette doesn't make you selfish. You're tired of mom getting all the attention. Trust me, I get that.
So dad, please don't leave me or abandon me or stop loving me...as I will eventually need some help with these school loans.
Plus (with the exception of one) you're the best man I've ever known.

Love,
Melissa

12 comments:

Lula! said...

I think the next new feature we all wanna see is, "The Last Time I Talked to My Father..."

And you don't know how happy it makes me to learn that my girls' father isn't the only crass dad out there teaching his daughters' to pull his finger. FOR REAL.

So...
Dear Melissa's Dad,
She rocks. You roll. I think y'all have an act brewing...I'd pay to see it. At least $1.99, too.
XOXO,
Lula

Connie said...

Oh, Melissa-
You're whacked...(and I mean that in a good way.) You tell your daddy that we love reading all.about.you.
You say the things we often think but just don't have the guts to say. I gotta get my daily dose of "Stretch Marks" (even though after having 5 kids I've got plenty'o my own). Love your blog and your witty humor.

Ruby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ruby said...

Melissa, I had to delete my previous comment because I re-read it and it sounded like I just came off the boat.

So what I was saying was that as soon as I read your title to this post, I started cracking up! Your stories continue to make my mornings brighter.

And how come you stopped commenting on my blog? I think you need to visit me too. Ahem...hint hint.

Dont make me get on Daddy's side!!

mwah.

Trish said...

Dear Dad,
We like reading all about Melissa everyday. Really. It makes our own lives look a little better!

Oh yeah, while you're helping her with the student loans would you mind slipping a little our way? We have student loans out the WAZOOOO.

Mucho Adoration for what you have created.

Trish

Staci said...

Hi, im your blog stalker Staci....lol sorry anyway i gave ya an award....check it!!

http://theloalbos.blogspot.com/2008/06/for-me.html

Teri said...

Okay, that is so funny! Dad, she loves you and people like her, they really like her.

(Did that work??)

Love your blog. (I'm serious!)

Anonymous said...

Mr. Gene,

We love Melissa here in TN, but we do know that she is the great person she is because you and Mrs. Annette are just so stinking sweet and wonderful!!!

Love you guys!!!

April

p.s come visit again soon. =)

Mommy said...

Dear Melissa's Dad,

I'm the blog designer who still reads your daughter's blog because I think she's funny. She likes to talk about herself but what woman doesn't? From the poll results to the right, it looks she will soon be talking more about your wife (her mother). Hopefully none of those Mother-daughter conversations will end up being about you. :-) But hey, you wanted her to talk about someone else, didn't ya? Just kidding...well, I guess Melissa gets to decide if I am or not...Melissa?

Mommy

Swirl Girl said...

Dear Melissa's Dad-

She and I were having cyber-lunch today (I accept your offer, but with gas prices the way they are - the commute is too much to bitch about) and talking about our awesome dads. Truth be known, it was me who wrote all the good stuff about you. And, when you want another daughter to love too, I am available. No, seriously Dad, you are lucky to have a kid who appreciates you and loves you as much as your daughter is to have YOU!!

And, if you want to know the last conversation I had with my dad, I suggest you bring an extra large box of Kleenex...

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

Todd Wright said...

Dear Mr. Lee,

Your daughter has some serious problems and I think her blog is slowly revealing to all of us what you and her mother have known all along.

I applaud you for taking her to task. I know that it rarely happens to her in this fantasy world of a life that she's built for herself.

And really, shouldn't you be buying lunch for people in your own home town?

Like men in their thirties with a wife and two kids who work at the local Methodist church? I mean...those meals would be so much more productive.

Thank you for all you do. Let's do lunch soon.

On you, of course.

Anonymous said...

Melissa,

Two words...You're SPOILED!

Michelle