I'm a white-bread girl in a wheat-bread world.

Thank you to my friends who emailed me your diagnosis of my IBS problem. If I took into account all I have read and heard today from various ones of you - I will have no more fun in my life, ever.

- I need to cut out all dairy.
- Become gluten free.
- Carry around Beano.
- Go in for a colon cleanse.
- Try a 30 day "bran" challenge.
- One of you suggested I just stay home altogether and order in.
- And of course, the most profound advice came from the AG himself, in which he told me to just "lay on my left side." Classy.

But I'm pretty sure I found out the problem. Fried foods are not my friend. Of course, one look at my thighs and you'll see that they never have been. I'm just now catching on, though. So fried foods are out! (Oh, no, maybe I should stick with my doctor. He's pretty much been saying that exact thing to me for the last 7 1/2 years.)

- So, I'm sticking with my cheese.
- I'm hanging on to my Texas Toast for dear life.
- I ALREADY DO carry around Beano.
- Instead of the Colon Cleanse I'm going in for a facial.
- I don't like bran and it don't like me.
- And I'm not going to confine myself to the inside of my house.
- And I've tried that "lay on the left side" thing and suprisingly, it works.

Here are a few other things I'm not giving up...
- Watching the Today show every morning while drinking out of my Today Show coffee cup!
- Watching reruns of Friends as if it were still on primetime.
- Making my own homemade croutons.
- Sitting at round tables when I am out with my best friends. (That would be Kelli, April, Rhonda and Kerri.)
- Scheduling my vacation during the week of VBS every year. (That would be "smart thinking").
- Sneaking People magazine into the grocery cart every week.
- Wanting to spend every free moment with the AG.
- My Assemblies of God "lifetime member" badge.
- Knowing every word to my Kenny and Dolly Christmas CD.

Ah well, it's a short list. But I'm tired.