Jan 4, 2011

Helloooooooooo Austin! (Bachelor Recap)

Let me start by saying that if you were to accept the Lord into your heart while reading this post - if your marriage were to be refreshed and changed - or if your misbehaving children were to wander into your bedroom with musings of regret and humility - then it was all because of the words I will have written here.

So prepare yourselves....this is gonna be deep!

Last night was episode one of The Bachelor, season 114. Perhaps you are one of the few who do not watch The Bachelor, or perhaps you are a male, but I find the Bachelor to be a lot like....Chinese takeout on Friday nights....Mary Higgins Clark novels.....any and all Hair magazines.....and the soundtrack to Miss Congeniality.......A GUILTY PLEASURE.

Should I be watching it? Maybe not.
Do I want a bunch of people to know I'm watching it? Heck no.
Do I enjoy every little second of it? Uh, yep.

And this season is going to prove be a good one, I just gotta feelin'. So even if you aren't a watcher of this particular show feel free to read my recaps as they are both enlightening and stunning in their wordplay - and chances are you'll feel just like you watched it.

This season finds us with Brad Womack. I did not watch the season three years ago that Brad starred on, so I do not have any preconceived ideas about Brad nor do I despise him like so many others.

Quite the contrary..............................me likey.

Brad oozes Texas charisma. He makes me hungry for barbecue just listenin' to him. And three times during the show I broke out into "Ocean Front Property." The man can't help it! But I also think he kinda reminds me of The AG a little; with his rugged good looks and those lines on his face that say "I've been thinking so hard about how to make myself less attractive but I can't think of any way to stop it and I made a million dollars just sittin' here stewin' on it." (That's what I imagine the AG sits around and does all day. Only I've yet to see the financial proof of it.)

So I'm not mad at Brad. In fact, I'm intrigued by his honesty and seeming humility. The man didn't have to come back on here! So if he closed himself off for three years and had to seek therapy why do that to yourself again if you don't really mean it? Sheesh.

Of course that is what I'm saying now. Check back with me in four weeks when I'm like, "Fool! You shoulda stayed home! Fool!" I tend to get overly involved.

So then there were the women.

Seriously? You expect me to believe that the producers and casting agents of this show have the mans best interest at heart when they allow a girl with FANGS on the show? Seriously?

For those of you who just read that sentence and don't watch - please don't disregard this show immediately. For your information they also have real life women:
- Like the one who has such a square, manly jawline I thought it was a Rubix cube.
- Or the one who said she didn't have "a petite behind," and was right.
- Or the girl who looked deadpan into the camera and said "I don't know why he didn't pick me, I have a fantastic personality." Deadpan. Dead. Pan.

But there were others that we need to pay attention to - and for good reason. Oh yes, sir. Children's Hospital Event Planner anyone? Anyone?

And then, of course, just like every horror movie has a girl who runs screaming with no pants on - and every teen angst drama has that one nerd who ends up the high school heartthrob - there was the one girl who started off the night by saying: "I didn't come here to make friends with a bunch of women."

Cue drama.

Insert water works.

Terrifying orchestral music hits its high-point, and....

Here we go.

Let the season begin!


Kim Little said...

It's funny because I only watched a few minutes of it last night and I SAW THE FANGS! I was thinking wha????? You know me, not a big fan of debt, but I would have gotten that fixed long ago. :)

Vickie said...

I watched it, too, because my daughter watches - she's 22, what can you say...

"Fangs" makes me wonder why I'm wasting my time watching, but it pulls me back every week. And they have to keep fangs for a few weeks - we like Miss Children's Hospital and the ditsy one with her hair hanging in her face, SO FAR. We're sorry for the girl who kept getting Brad snatched away from her, but if she'd just wait and not get mad and start a catfight, he'll come back and give her a special date.

See, all of us who watch know how this thing works. Yes, he's a nice guy. But gimme a break! FANGS? How could they put this girl on there! Brad tried his best to be nice to her and he was so gallant about it. Seriously??? Those were not real - you could see little gaps on the sides - they were veneers - she's got some serious issues... I'd hate to see her put a "neck-lock" on Brad! And everybody else is thinking the same thing, but not saying it! YET!

Looking forward to more of your reviews!

Anonymous said...

Great recap! I wish there were more decent women to choose from, but unfortunately it gets worse and worse each season. I could NOT believe he kept Fangs girl. She is just in it for the media attention! I have one question about your recap-who is The AG?

amykey said...

MElissa, I too, am ready for this season of the Bachelor! yay Monday nights! from football to catfights...sounds like a Monday night is the new Friday night :)

Amy said...

I watched the show and kept saying to myself..I wonder what Melissa is gonna say about this! I LOVED it! The southern girl with the kid and husband that passed away is my FAVE! BUT, I also like the one that said "arent you a tall drink of water"..

The fangs MUST go. She is a FREAK!Cant WAIT for next week!

Anonymous said...

i so want him to be with the woman that lost her husband. she seems to have such a sweet gentle spirit. unless he proves to be a jerk again then i wldnt want him to lead her on!

Sissy said...

I also liked the one from New York that told him she wasn't going to judge him on the past, only on the way he treated her. That was pretty fair. The one that slapped him made me laugh, too.