Apr 15, 2010

Seven Reasons I am Too Old For Justin Bieevverber.


1. Saturday night Justin Beaver was the musical guest on SNL. While little girls everywhere swooned and gasped, breathed heavy and ripped at their clothing, I sat with my husband and said things like, "Isn't he adorable?" "Look at those young people dance. I love to see young people dance." To which he replied, "Why don't you throw your bra at the T.V.? I'd help you get it off but the songs not that long and I'd have to borrow your dad's tractor."


    2. My little sister told me that all the boys in her school think Justin Bibber is gay. Which is a fairly standard statement for 13 year old boys who are threatened by anyone's moving-in on their testosterone entrenched turf. All the girls love him. Thus, he must be gay. I assured her that he wasn't gay. "How do you know?" she asked. "Because all the boys in my class said the same thing about New Kids on The Block when I was in school." "You listened to them? How old are you?" "Old enough to know that Donnie really was that tough. Danny never really did grow into his chin. Joey was the most talented as I had always suspected. Jordan's voice never did lower much to no one's surprise. And Jonathan, well, Jonathan might be gay. No one can really say for sure." She rolled her eyes and continued staring out the window.



    3. When I picture Justin Bowlfinger appearing in Teen Beat I can only picture him with one person. Alyssa Milano. Now I ask you, how cute would they be?


    4. Though I love the song "Baby," by Justin Beerhair I can no longer say, "I love that song Baby and I know every word." Because in fact, I do not. In fact, I cannot understand half of them so I choose to sing only the words "Baby, baby, baby, ohhhh…." To which my three year old said, "I know those words, too, mama." It's the circle of life, people, the circle of life.


    5. Last weekend I was eating at Chick-fil-A in the mall when I saw a young boy standing at the counter. For a moment I stared at him and thought, "He kind of resembles that Justin Bystander." He was so cute with that wispy hair in his face and that little grin. But then his mom walked up. And I had graduated from high school with her. And I cried into my waffle fries.



    6. My hair looks like Justin Bifocal. I don't mean for it too. I just does. I'm trying something different with my bangs and The AG told me I should look at the cover of People magazine. I was expecting to see someone intelligent, beautiful, striking, and gorgeous. Instead I saw a 15 year old hormonal teen boy. And I knew I was doing something RIGHT!



    7. And the last reason I know that I am too old to not only like, but even listen to, Justin Belcher: Whenever I look at his poster on my little sisters wall I think one thing, "Never stop flossing, Justin. Gum disease can pack a punch my friend. Pack. A. Punch."

    14 comments:

    Sarah Victoria said...

    My friend and I lead a group of 8th grade girls every wednesday night for youth at the church I work at, We knew we were in trouble when one night they decided to ditch their bibles and reenact a video of his. In fact last night we had to get on them for singing baby in the middle of a discussion...
    He annoys me

    Beth McC. said...

    Hey Annoys Me Too!!! UGH.....

    KellyRose said...

    Im not sure if you saw my FB post, but I made the comment that I started dancing to a new tune on the radio UNTIL I looked up and saw Justin Bieber's name scrolling across the dash...then I SCREAMED!
    I am too old to be dancing to one of his songs, but I, like you, find myself singing "Baby Baby Baby OOHH baby!" HAHA!

    Erica said...

    Haha! Love this post!! I am a Mom of 3 and we love Justin!
    See my post below: We met him!

    http://babybeesboutique.blogspot.com/search?q=we+met+him

    My kids also have a Youtube account where his Mom back in August found my little Son's dancing video...she contacted us and the rest is history!
    I still email Pattie his Mom to this day and we remain friends.

    Tell your Daughter to check out the kids videos, she maybe has seen them before!

    Thanks for the laugh this morning anyway!

    Justin Bystander. lol

    Karen said...

    What a great post, cracked me up! I'm part of the Big Brother/Big Sister Org, and my little sis is about all things Justin! It is a great feeling to be a Big Sis, she looks up to me and admires me, and that's an awesome feeling. But for the first time I felt I was so uncool and completely out of the loop when she wanted to go to the mall to look for "Justin stuff"...
    My Response- "oh, are you looking for a present for your friend or something?"
    I got the same blank disbelieving stare back that I remember giving my mother. And I felt much much older than I needed to at that moment.

    Rhonda said...

    Justin covers the closet walls of Asia's bedroom. Sigh.... I, too, know just the corus of Baby. And I peed my pants a little bit laughing at you crying in your waffle fries. Sorry bout that. lol

    Amy said...

    He is going to be my son-in-law in the future. Yep! He is! :)

    Crazy Sister said...

    Look at him - he's just a baby, awww.

    Katherine said...

    Your words this morning -- hilarious - I think you are inspired~! Thankfully, Justin is not a favored hero in our house, but there is still enough of him around in the outside world to fully annoy me. I console myself with the sure knowledge that one day, in 10 years or so, he will look at that People magazine cover and die of shame about that haircut and CHEEEEEZY smile!

    Kat said...

    I don't know if I am sad or proud that I have no idea who this kid is...

    But your comments, as usual are so funny- you crack me up, girl! Love the NKOTB one, so true! :)

    Leighann said...

    The last one had me cracking up....

    can you email me? I have a question but can't use the link on your sidebar... thanks!

    He & Me + 3 said...

    OH My Word. I just found your blog on You're gonna miss this and I saw that you were posting something about Justin Bieber...insert screaming daughters. LOL
    I had to come and check it out
    I have to say I was busting a gut laughing through this whole post. YOu are hysterical.
    I watched that episode of SNL just so I could rub it in my 10 year olds face the next day. LOL
    Then the other night I had a dream about JB. I think it was something similar to the Teacher on the SNL skit. LOL
    Lord, I am too old and not ready for my girls to have celebrity crushes just yet.
    Where is your followers button?
    I want to follow along...but i am to lazy to copy and paste and then go in my dashboard and etc...
    LOL

    Traci Michele said...

    I'm a new follower. Found you via Top 100 Christian Women's Blogs.

    So nice to meet you sister!

    Traci

    Tinika said...

    You are too funny! Good stuff.