Apr 26, 2010

Just Givin' The People What They Want.

When I started this blog I figured that I would always use my Monday post as a way to re-cap my whirling weekend of parties on yachts, candlelit dinners on rooftops and mani/pedi outings with the Kardashian sisters.

But then I had kids.

And my Monday posts turned into re-caps of ways to remove crayon from your walls (Magic Eraser….love it!) ways to get vomit stains off your baseboards (Magic Eraser…love it!) and ways to erase the extra lines and chins your face has let take up residence (sadly, not Magic Eraser.)

Take this Monday re-cap.

It’s exciting. You’ll want to grab yourself something, like, oh, I don’t know. A cold drink. A hot drink. A stiff drink. Your choice.

So Friday started off with me coming down with some kind of death like grip on my lungs. I lost my voice almost completely and began hacking up stuff we hadn’t seen since last November. After spending the entire day in bed I decided it would be nice to have a “family night” at home. (Allow me to state the irony of this. Because anyone who has children under the age of 5 knows that every night is “family night at home.”) But I was going to kick-it-up-a-notch because I’m hip like that and so I called us in an order of Del Rio. Which just isn’t the same when you don’t have that 2 gallon bottle of butter on the table like you do in the restaurant. Yeah, you heard it right Michiganers, we keep butter in a bottle on our tables down here in Texas. So take that to your cardiologist !

We also ended up watching a family night classic, Shrek 2. This is a family night classic for Remi because she knows every single word and donkey is soooooo funny. It is a classic for me because Puss-n-Boots never fails to entertain. It is a classic for The Attorney General because Shrek farts. And it isn’t really a classic for Rocco considering he just picked his nose the whole time.

Saturday was much better. I went shopping at the Junior League Spring Market with two of my girls. Got tired after one hour and came home. Later that day I considered looking into retirement homes, but then decided not to be so hard on myself. Instead I took some more cough medicine and laid in bed until I heard the words every East Texas mother hates to hear,


Sweet Lord, come quickly.

At some point this week I will nosh about our evening at the Rodeo. I know, gripping. And I will tell how the decision to serve funnel cakes at this year’s event actually made the front page of the paper. No. I am not kidding.

By Saturday night I fell into my bed but not before hopping myself up on some Mucinex, Vicks, Nyquil and Augmentin. Which is why on Sunday morning at church I could have sworn our pastor was made of playdoh and the entire worship team had cat heads. At some point I turned to my husband and said, “Get me out of here or I am going to have to de-claw that one in the middle.” He took me home and laid me in bed and I don’t remember anything until this morning.

Which is a scary thing since I dreamed I rode in the mutton-busting competition and came in 2nd behind a six year old. Scary thing is I woke up to The AG saying, "Great job last night." Of course he could have been referring to the fact that I put away a funnel cake in less time that #269 stayed on that bull.


Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Oh I hope you are feeling much better today! Your post cracked me up. What did we do before mucinex?

Sissy said...

You are so funny! Can't wait to hear about the rodeo...

Kat said...

Hahahaha! You always keep me chuckling, Melissa!

You hit the nail on the head- we Michigan(D)ers don't have butter on our tables. At least, no restaurant I've been to. And trust me, I frequent the kind of places that would...

The best line was, "(Allow me to state the irony of this. Because anyone who has children under the age of 5 knows that every night is “family night at home.”)"

Feel better! :)