Apr 1, 2010

I Felt Like An April FOOL.

Day nine.

It has been nine days since my surgery and things are not going well. I had my first emotional break-down yesterday. Not my first emotional breakdown ever, mind you. Just my first one during these nine days.

I realized yesterday that I still had to buy eggs for Remi's party and stuff them. I also had to buy eggs for Rocco's party, stuff them, and provide his class with party favors. And that I had yet to purchase anything via The Easter Bunny for my two on Easter morning. And I had no idea how I was going to get into town and do it all. Not to mention I have no shoes to wear on Easter morning. Oh, and also I'm singing on Easter morning while. sitting. on. a stool. like a big piece of lard. And Rocco will be hunting eggs with his class for the very first time this morning and I won't be there to see it. And.....

Cue the water works.

It was a bad one.

Yesterday evening The AG took me to Target to pick up all my necessary items. Do you know how you get around Target if you are on crutches?

You ride one of those scooters.

I rode a scooter around Target for 45 minutes while The AG pushed a cart about ten yards behind me. I assumed he was doing this out of complete mortification to be seen with me ON A SCOOTER but he said he was doing it because he couldn't keep up. Really? Because that scooter had to have some kind of governor on it because the thing didn't go over 3.4 miles an hour. He could have kept up!!

But that's beside the point. The point is that on my list of things the Holy Spirit needs to deal with me on (and let it be known - there are many) I honestly thought pride was way on down the list. I have never thought of myself as a prideful person. At least until now. Because the moment I got back in that car I started crying. And crying turned to hyperventilating. And hyperventilating turned to gagging. And I had a breakdown all over that car. All because I had to ride that dadgum scooter. And all because I saw a girl I knew and she saw me run into a ladder. And all because I saw a family from church and they just stared at me like I had three heads.

It was quite the shock and awe to one's self esteem. Let me tell ya.

In fact, I am so devastated just writing this that I don't even have a snappy ending to this post. So I won't try.

I won't even try.

I'll just end with this thought, "Perspective. Perspective." It could be worse. I could have to drive around with one of those scooters in my car and pop it out for the grocery store and the bank and such. Perspective. Perspective.

Perspective stinks.


Melissa said...

I know what you mean about the scooter. When I was 9 months preggers with Emmy, I could not walk any longer. Everything hurt and I remember getting a scooter at Wal-Mart and feeling soooo ashamed. Why? Pride. Totally pride. I don't look funny at other people when I see them in a cart. Okay, well maybe some people, but not the ones who really need it. You really needed that cart.

This too shall pass Melissa. Hang in there! Love you!

J. Henry said...

I'll play the part of grandma here and say "well at least you have a pretty voice so you can sit up there and sing to people... and at least you won't be needing a scooter for the rest of your life... just a few more weeks my dear!" I hope things brighten up for you soon. No more crying/gagging! :)

midwestmom3 said...

It is only natural for you to feel this way right now. This is NOT how you had planned for these next few weeks. But, you need to give yourself the mercy that God gives us all. It's ok to be sad and angry and frustrated. Tell God. He can handle it. Every day down is one more to this being over. Take care. Our family will be praying for you to heal quickly.

Anonymous said...

Whether you are standing or sitting on a stool, your song will be beautiful. God has blessed you with an AMAZING voice and He will be glorified through your gift. Have a Happy Easter Melissa. Our Lord is risen!

Sissy said...

I think the scooter is perfectly appropriate when you can't walk! You'd have been more miserable using crutches going around the store.

Crazy Sister said...

Those are perfectly understandable feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself! And no way would you look like a tub of lard. You will inspire your congregation with your resilience and tenacity.

Kristi said...

I don't know you and don't know how I really found your blog (clicking from one friends to another) but I totally understand. I didn't have surgery but fell down the stairs 11 days ago (I'm counting too) and have a 3rd degree sprain. I'm on crutches as well and can't put pressure on my foot. I have a 3 kids, including one baby. Its a horrible feeling when you feel helpless. I can't even refill a glass of water! I have a wonderful husband like you and a mother who has now taken on full time nanny to help with the baby.

I felt the same feeling riding thru walmart on a scooter so I could finally get Easter stuff as well. I hope you recover fast as I wish I will too. Just letting you know there is someone else out there feeling your pain!

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