Pink Eyes and Chocolate Fingers.

Is this rude? But next Valentines I am going to ask that in lieu of any candy you might have wanted to give my children you instead give to The Human Fund. (If you know Seinfeld then you know that reference. If you don't know Seinfeld then stop reading this blog immediately.)

But for pete's sake, just how much Valentine candy can two small people get?

I'm their mother and even I didn't give them that much. In fact, I bought them one of those bags filled with an assortment and then, to help the cause, I ate all the Reese's out of it. So see? I'm trying to do my part.

But they now have so much leftover candy that I have resorted to saying "Yes, you can have a piece of candy if you will ____." That blank is now filled in with the likes of:
"brush your teeth,"
"eat your dinner,"
"clean your room,"
"quit calling me momma,"
"stop trying to light your brother/sister on fire,"
"continue breathing,"
"not stare directly into the sun."

Stuff like that. I'm running out of things to give them candy for. I'm sure some of you are saying "just throw the stuff away - what's your problem?" What's my problem? What's your problem? When there are perfectly good granola-loving-tree-hugging-home-schoolers somewhere right now not getting any candy then how can you suggest we throw it away? We don't eat it for us. We eat it for them.

There's a good chance that my children have eaten so many things with pink wrappers on them that is why Rocco now has the Pink Eye. (Why did I capitalize Pink Eye? Out of reverence?) Anywhoo...I took him to the doctor yesterday because when it comes to vomit, I'm fine...blood, I can take it...diarrhea, I can deal....eyes boogers? I'M OUT!

And sure enough he has Pink Eye and an ear infection. Which just goes to show you when your son is tugging on his ear he is not, in fact, wanting to try on mommies earrings. So you can calm down AG...he wasn't wanting to try on my silver hoops. In fact, as I write these words he is crushing a beer can with his fist and wearing camo. Actually, he's climbing the counter to see if he can unwrap a little pink chocolate heart with a picture of Barbie on it.

Oh wait, that's me.