The Bachelorette: I'm Sure Austin Is So Proud

Tonight's episode of The Bachelorette shall be discussed in a list format for no other reason than I have started this sentence fifty-three times and can't really go anywhere with it, so I'm trying to be creative.

1. Jillian and the boys went to Spain this week because, as you know, going to Spain with four men you are in love with is practical. Almost as practical as the time I decided that I would try wearing false eyelashes for the very first time...to a job interview. (Try explaining to the interviewer why one of your eyelash limbs just fell onto your blouse.)

2. Jillian went on a date with Kypton. I found this date to be kind of ho-hum. Maybe it was because five minutes into the date Kyton told Jillian that he saw a proposal as being a looonngg way off. Jillian has never made any bones about the fact that she wants a proposal. So, with the exception of throwing ice cold water on to her head, this was an awkward way to start a date. Almost as awkward as Kypton's inability to drive a scooter. A scooter, people. For the love, I think I could drive a scooter...and I failed my driving test three times.

3. Jillian went on a date with Reid. And it was on this date that Meridith and I sighed and proclaimed that "the other men should just head on back." Jillian and Reid looked like they were having lunch at the local mall food court; it was comfortable, it was easy and it looked really, really good on them. Aaahhh.

4. Jillian went on a date with Ed. Once again, Meridith and I sighed (but for entirely different reasons. He is lovely.) Jillian took one look at Ed. Jillian and Ed made out. Jillian and Ed continued to make out. Jillian and Ed would stop every once and a while to talk - but mainly, they made out. Jillian and Ed ended up standing in a fountain while making out. Jillian and Ed were probably embarrassed after viewing last nights episode at how ridiculous they looked. (Almost as ridiculous as answering another fifteen minutes of questions with your fake eyelash resting on your left breast.)

5. Jillian went on a date with Wes. Wes went home. All of America went out and set off what was left of their holiday fireworks. Because not only are we blessed enough to celebrate the freedom we have in this great nation, but Wes - the testicle - was finally sent packing.

6. Next week Jillian and the Bachelors head to Maui. The previews said "Jillian discovers love in one of the worlds most romantic locations." What it should have said, had the AG and I been doing the voice-over editing, was..."Jillian discovers love in one of the worlds most romantic locations - but it isn't with one of the guys - it's with the fish taco's at Maui Taco's. And she ends up going there twice a day, ever day. Stay tuned to find out if Jillian will keep around Reid, Wes or Kypton - or Kawika Jono, the grill cook at the local fish taco bar." Yes, the AG and I went to Maui. And yes, it was romantic. But yes, we both ate our weight in fish tacos. Now, that's romance.

7. I am now suggesting that each and every one of you watch next weeks episode of The Bachelorette. Trust me, it will be worth your while. We will have MUCHO to discuss.

8. Lastly, here's to Austin, Texas, Wes' hometown. Living proof that not everyone is welcome in Texas. Yeehaw!