Jun 9, 2009

The Bachelorette: Don't Hate Me Because I'm "Too Perfect."

This show just keeps getting better and better.

And here's why:

1. Juan and David are kicked off on the same night.

This, my lovelies, is called irony. And though irony is usually only used on really deep shows like LOST or General Hospital, it is now used on dating shows as well. I must say I've never been so happy to see a momma's boy and a truck driver kicked off a game show. (And by momma's boy I mean "one who loves his momma and lives to make her happy and has tendencies like his momma." And by "truck driver" I mean "one who drives a truck.")

2. Tanner rats out the guys and then refuses to fess up.

This was a classic Bachelorette moment for many reasons. Mainly because I think Tanner did the right thing in telling Jillian that there were some weasels in the group, but secondly because he stood there so terrified that the other guys would know he was the rat that it looked like he was going to potty on himself or cry. I wasn't sure which. I was crossing my fingers for an emotional cry fest. Durn.

3. Ed.

4. Jake the pilot from Texas.

Jake, the pilot from Texas, has a condition. This condition is known as the _____ ______ syndrome. You may ask why I left those little blanks blank and I'll tell you. When I was in high school there was a guy who was so nice and so kind and so cute that he made me throw up a little in my mouth. Which is a shame because he was a really great guy he was just a bit, how shall I put this, cheezy. And though there are a lot of girl who want a great guy - not a lot want a greatly cheezy guy. And since I have some friends who I went to high school with who read this blog I fear that I cannot put his name down. (Though chances are they would totally agree.)

So my rescue plan for Jake, the pilot from Texas, would be this: wake up one morning and don't shower or put product in your hair. Wear jeans that have holes in them that were actually torn by hard labor or a bar fight - don't buy them that way. The next time Jillian tells you to be more yourself and quit trying to be so perfect, don't smile at her, just look her straight in the eyes and say "why don't you say that with your top off?" Women love that.

5. Ed.

6. Jillian finds the date with Kypton to be the most romantic and "real-life" one yet. Really? Could it be because you went to a grocery store and bought stuff to make dinner, at home, in the kitchen, just the two of you? Really?? That is more romantic and "real-life" than repelling down the Bonaventure hotel in Los Angelos or jumping into a hot tub with 12 other men while sipping wine on a rooftop? Hmmm. That's weird.

7. Wes, the skeev, tells Jillian that he has 12 or 13 more songs that he'd love to sing her. Liar. What he meant to say was "I have 12 or 13 more chords I know on my guitar that will allow me to sing the words 'they say...they say love, it don't come eeeasssyyyy' in different keys. Wanna hear it? Back at my place?" Yuck.

Why do I get so mad at this show each and every week and still watch it? Why? You know the answer...so go ahead and say it. That's right: it's called IRONY, people.

Your thoughts?



14 comments:

Sissy said...

I agree. I totally and completely agree.

Jennifer T. said...

I usually root for the Texans, but Wes has gotsta go. I did really like Jake, but now I'm thinking he has too much perfection and not enough personality. And yes, we thought Mr. Foot Fetish was going to cry. It was just too bad he didn't. SO glad David is gone. One of the bigger jerks in the history of The Bachelorette. I don't ever remember a season where the guys cuss as much as they do this year. Sounds like we've got a group of real winners!

Lynda said...

Yep - the "take your top off" line would work - you crack me up.

Amy said...

Wes HAS to go next week..I kinda liked Juan. I really like Kipton but really wish she would always call him Kip and not Kipton! I can't even remember which one Ed is! Must pay more attention.

Leslee said...

Cant stand Wes....Jake.....YUMMIE! I dont care how perfect he is.

SnazzyGal04 said...

I'm so glad David is gone!! A creepier guy there never was. And Juan... I was for sure he was going to admit to having a boyfriend during the whole rose ceremony interrogation. Wes HAS to go next week. What a skeez! I love Tanner. His weird foot fetish makes me laugh so hard. Can't wait for next week!

Cassandra said...

OMG! I totally agree with you! Absolutely everything! So glad Juan & David are gone! I am pretty sure ABC should have shipped David right off to anger management though! It finally got good this week & can't wait to see what happens next week!

Rebekah said...

I don't watch any of these crazy shows anymore, but I have to say that "[going] to a grocery store and bought stuff to make dinner, at home, in the kitchen, just the two of you" doesn't sound like any kind of real-life experience I've ever had. More like me going to the grocery store by myself, buying stuff to to make dinner at home in the kitchen by myself, eating together and then cleaning it up by myself. Real life. Who is she kidding?

Kim @ Manning Family Tree said...

I missed the first half last night, so I missed the Kypton date, but I was there for the juicy cocktail party. Like any of them were going to fess up. Tanner should have just told Jillian that Wes was the rat. I did enjoy seeing Tanner sweat though during the interrogation & when she was handing out the roses. Glad David is gone. I liked Juan, but I could see why others didn't. I too like Ed. I'm not sure who my favorite is. But I don't like Wes (fake!!!!) and I didn't like David. I was surprised that she gave Mark the rose & not Mike. I liked Mike. I like Tanner, but his foot fetish thing gives me the heebie jeebies. I do like Jake, I don't think he's cheesy. He can't be, as I don't like cheese. Can't wait to see what happens next week. What does this say about our lives that we get so wrapped up in a TV dating show? Don't answer that!

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

I think you're a riot. I've not seen the show, but I wouldn't miss a day of your blog...

Lana said...

Today is my first time to stumble upon your blog and may I just say - I think we should be best friends! I have cracked up reading all of your entries, and most especially about the Bachelorette. Jiminy H. Cricket - I sit and scream at my television set each week for her to dump Wes pronto, yet she keeps him on. And he is indeed a big ol' skeez, just as you say! Glad David is gone, he was really giving me an Excedrin headache. My faves are Jake and Kiptyn, because they are beautiful and perfect and romantic and Jake can dance - which says GOOD things about him no matter how perfect his manners are!! Keep up the good work and I will now be a faithful reader - two thumbs up from Brentwood, TN!

Jill said...

You are hilarious! Love reading your blog!!

Desha said...

I waited to read this until I could watch it last night on DVR. I am just WAITNG for her to send Tanner and Wes home. Those guys bug me. I love Ed too, but what about Reid? Something about those glasses and the dimple makes me melt!

Melissa said...

I love Ed. He is so precious and I think he will win in the end. Jake is just adorable, but there's something....I don't quite know what it is, but it's something.

Wes.....dirty dog.....

Wasn't feeling that chem with Kyp. Don't really know what it was she saw in him, but whatev. It's her life. I suppose she can screw it up if she wants.

Ed. Oh my.