Jan 29, 2009

I Am...


I promised a special LOST edition of the Stretch Marks Times, so here it is. Don't hold your breath, it won't be good. Or maybe you can hold your breath, cuz it also won't be long. Your choice.

Here goes. T
his is what I know so far:

1. Ben has a short man complex. This is a very real sickness as I have known many a man who came down with it. (But then again I also once dated a man and turned him gay, so who's to say my track record on men is really worth discussing.)

2. Kate looks good with make-up. Kate looks good without make-up. I hate Kate.

3. Charles Widmore is really really hacked off about something.

4. Jin is alive. I believe this to be true thanks to Tara Mathews, the bill collector from last night's episode of American Idol who has E.S.P. and can tell when people on T.V. are going to die. If she says he's alive - he's alive; which she didn't say, mind you, but I still think it.

5. Jack looks good with a beard. Jack looks good without a beard. I love Jack.

6. If I had one of those wheels in my house that could turn back time, I would go back to the summer of '84 when I had that polka-dot swimdress and honestly thought I looked like Marilyn Monroe. (Somewhere right now my BFF Nikki is spitting her Coke across the room.)

7. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's ttoootttaaallllllyyy obvious that Juliet had a boob job somewhere on that island between last season and this season.

8. Hurley has the best job of any actor in Hollywood. Someone told him, "You have been hired to be on a groundbreaking new show. It will be an overnight hit. Go live on an island for five months at a time and Hurley, listen to me, this is very important....are you listening? Do not - under any circumstances - lose weight. Do you understand? Eat. Eat, whatever you want, as much as you want and for as long as you want. Is that clear? Oh, and you don't have to bathe if you don't want to."

9. I was addicted to Archie Comic books when I was a kid, so it was especially endearing to see the H bomb named "Jughead." But I believe if you were to re-arrange the letters in "Jughead" they spell out... "AreyouseriouslytryingtomakesomethingoutofasimplewordlikeJugheadyouidiot?"

10. Aaron is the best baby ever. When Kate looked at him in the backseat he was sitting quietly coloring in his book. There were no sippy cups or french fries strewn about. There was not snot running down his nose nor was he screaming "I have to go poo-poo real bad." But then again chances are he's the son of Satan, so I suppose it's six of one half a dozen...

Does this tell any of you how LOST I truly am?

The bright side to all of this is that I may not have figured out the mysteries behind my favorite show, but I've figured out another of life's great mysteries...why men never ask for directions.

Because sometimes being LOST really is the most fun.

9 comments:

Lisa said...

Watching this show has given a whole new meaning to "Lost". Do you think the producers said, "Let's see just how confused we can get people but yet addicted at the same time so they keep watching and just really feel stupid?? It'll be fun."

And am I the only one or is Syaid kinda hot? LOL

Denise said...

I love Lost too....but so far this season (I know, only 2 shows) I am totally lost and have no clue. I guess I will just forget about trying to figure it all out and just sit back, watch and enjoy. Loved your post.

Lynda said...

What a great synopsis and I don't even watch it!

Anonymous said...

I too am a "Lost Lover". Last winter I watched the whole series on DVD plus addicted my husband to it also. As to who is dead/alive/in the future/past/reincarnated - I can't tell. But We love that show!
Karen in MN

Rhonda said...

Great post! I've never watched the show, but now you've piqued my interest! Oh, and I haven't met Jack, or seen him, nor do I know where to find him, but I think I love him too. Is he man enough for both of us? lol

Melissa said...

Okay, Rhonda...you must run, don't walk to Blockbuster and start season 1 ASAP. Time is of the essence as we are quickly learning in Season 5. I strongly suggest requesting a catheter (sp?) be put in as well as an IV so you don't have to move from the couch. I could literally (if I had no kids or husband) sit down and watch every single episode back to back and be totally captivated. Is that sad or what? I know I will someday look back and think....was it really that good?

The answer is yes.

Melissa, you are soooo my twin.

Bridget said...

I love your view on LOST! I watch it and feel totally lost also, but love it!

Mikki said...

I soooo gave up on this show a couple of seasons ago. Too many unanswered questions! LOL

Soliloquy said...

#7? you nailed it. I've spent an inordinate amount of time analyzing Juliets boobs (because that's what I do) and I have to say that it must be a catch 22 fir the network. Do you prioritize continuity or ratings gotten by boobs.

Obviously the latter.

She looks fantastic though.