I'm Too Relaxed To Remember the Holidays.

Santa came. Santa conquered.

And lived to tell about it.

Oh yes, it was a wild weekend here in the Stretch Marks casa. Between all the pajama wearing and nap taking, it's a wonder that I'm even able to write these words. Seriously, the most strenuous thing I did all weekend was get up and go to the restroom. That honestly might have been the only time I moved.

And it. was. wonderful.

I might even go on record as saying, that it was one of the best Christmas' I have ever had.
(There are probably 10 or so family members in Texas wishing they could throw tomato's at me, right now.) But it's true. This Christmas I did what I have waited yyeeeaaaarrrrssss to do. I celebrated with my family. My little family. Just my little bitty family.

We didn't have to make 14 pounds of corn casserole.
Or wrap 23 gifts.
We didn't have to get all dressed up for a humongous meal that takes everyone 8 minutes to eat.

We didn't have to do anything...that we didn't want to do.

Aaahhh, Christmas. What a selfish time. Just like God intended.

But I did get all homemakery. Which should shock and amaze both those who know me and the teacher I had in 12th grade Home EC class. She saw no hope in me whatsoever.

But hey teach! I did this. I really did! Of course I may be the only woman in the history of the world who had to Google "how do you bake sugar cookies." Oh yes, I did. And I made them from a package. But still, I was unsure how to do that whole "cut-out" thing. But look! I Googled it and it worked. They're b-e-a-uitful.

And yes, that is supposed to be a candy cane. Not a "fancy u" as Remi called it.

I even let Remi join in on the fun. Which is totally unlike me. If anyone is going to mess my kitchen up and get crap all over the floor, by cracky, it's gonna be me. But nope. I bit the bullet and let her in on the fun. And what did we discover? We discovered that Remi can make a mean pretzel/Rolo/M&M treat. And also that she has a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Though we may have to save that story for a slow news day.

We got all sassy-fied and went out. Because nothing says Christmas, and I mean NOTHING, like your momma pulling out the Big Sexy hairspray and saying the words "Remi, just stand still while I tease it." The AG actually walked in the bathroom and said, "Did I just hear you say what I think you said?" I looked down in shame. But my baby was walking tall and poufy.

And then he came.
The big man.
The big cheese.
The name that has brought fear into our home for the past 8 weeks - and who will continue to be a threat used over the heads of small children in our home for years to come.

Say it with me now - SANTA.

*Note to readers: Please know that although little Rocco didn't stock up quite as much as Remi it wasn't becasue he wasn't cared for. It's because there are more toys for a 2 year old than a drolling, teething 3 month old. But there are two sets of grandparents that made sure he was spoiled silly. And what you can't see is his stocking is full to the rim with baby Orajel. So there!

And this Santa is way cool because he doesn't just drop off things in the living room like the lame duck Santa of the 80's. No, this guy is cool, clever. He even leaves things in your dining room. Where you least expect it.

Oh sure, he may scoot your dining room table out of the way and scratch your hardwood flooring, and yes, he and Mrs. Claus may go to bed a little at odds with each other. But hey! It's Christmas. And to quote my favorite Christmas line..."It's like my momma always said - it ain't Christmas till somebody cries."

Now, my lovelies. How was yours? I've missed you terribly.