Sep 22, 2008

There's Something Wrong With Me.

Really, there is.

Something is horribly, terribly, wrong with me.

When I was 11 years old my mom told me she thought there was something wrong with me because I never cried when I saw the commercials on television of the homeless children. To this day she swears she never said that, but I was there! I know! And she did.

She said that I wasn't sensitive. (She also added that if she had to "spank some sensativity into me" - she would! That's some pretty Politically Incorrect parenting right there, is it not?)

Of course, my husband tells me I'm overly-sensitive.

Needless to say - I'm confused.

But nonetheless, from a very early age, I have been moved to tears...very few times. I mean, I've cried. I don't mean to say that. But the times are a little odd, I will admit.

For instance:

First time I saw Steel Magnolias? No tears.

First time I heard Carmen was coming to town for a concert and I had been asked to take up an offering at the event? Uncontrollable tears.

Watching my husband walk across the stage and accept his law degree after four GRUELING years? Dry eyes.

Seeing Celine Dion appear on stage on the bow of a boat? Water works.

Commercials of hungry people? None.

Me, being hungry? Many.

See? I know there's something wrong with me. I am admitting this. Please don't leave me a comment that chastises my callousness. I KNOW THIS.

Yesterday at church was another great example of the insensitivity that my mom was speaking about. It was a special Sunday dedicated to the Educators in our congregation who are now fully engulfed in this new school year. And a movie, a "short film" if you will, was played for them.

It was a sweet story - it really was - in fact, if you'd like to see it you can go here to do so. You will probably love it. You will probably cry. It's about a little boy and his teacher and I think a bottle of perfume or something, I'm not sure. There may have been a puppy in it, I can't remember.

Point is, as I sat in the choir loft and watched the movie I noticed something odd happening all around me, women crying. I mean SQUAWLING, BAWLING, wiping their eyes, and reaching for more Kleenex. At one incredibly awkward moment a lady next to me picked up a box of Kleenex and proceeded to pass them out to everyone around her - except me.

She looked at me in total disgust.

But I couldn't help it! There's a real possibility I'm dead inside.

Even now as I'm typing this post I just looked up at the AG and said, "Hey, Mr. AG, can you think of a time in our marriage that I cried at an incredibly ludicrous time?" To which he calmly replied, "Celine Dion."

"Okay, can you think of a time when I should have cried but instead..."


"Laughed? I laugh?"

"You always laugh at completely inopportune times. Like the time when we had a really tragic thing happen in our family and I sat you down on the couch and broke the news to you and you got so tickled that you continually repeated, 'Stop - I'm gonna pee...stop - I'm gonna pee."
"Oh, yeah, I remember that. (Long pause.) Honey, do you think I'm dead inside? And be seri..."

"I absolutely do. No doubt about it."

So will you all please pray for me? I mean, I got a lot of stuff coming up that I'm gonna need to shed some tears for. I have a daughter who will eventually have dance recitals, start kindergarten, learn about broken hearts and have her first kiss. If that were to happen tomorrow there's a good chance I would stare off into space blankly and wonder if my chili is burning.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little hard on myself. I do have a heart.

Just the other day I was telling someone how my precious little baby boy was waking us up at all hours of the night and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. "Oh, that is sooooo sweeeet. I know you are so happy to have him," she said.

That was not exactly what I was crying about. But she was none the wiser.


Crazy Sister said...

Oh dear - I feel your pain! I remember crying during a wedding anniversary date because I wasn't looking forward to picking up my screaming baby from the babysitters after the date, and that made me feel so guilty I cried during the first course.

I remember waiting for the passing test for our self-defence course in high school, where you just walk into the middle of a room and wait to be attacked by a guy, and all the chicks were in tears.

I tried showing them all the blood from my flicked-back toenail to cheer them up, but was labelled 'insensitive'.

Not quite as weird as you though! Ha ha ha!

Teresa said...

OK. So, when you leaned over to me yesterday during the video and asked "Is there something wrong with me?" because you weren't crying and I said "Yes, there is." I was kidding. But now that I know you didn't cry during Steal Magnolias I must rethink this. Perhaps you do need to seek help. I mean, come on! What kind of self-respecting woman doesn't cry when Sally Field is standing in that cemetary crying "WHYYYYYYY!!! WHYYYYY!!!!!!!"

If you don't shed a tear when Remi goes to Kindergarten then we will have our answer.

And, for the record I find it impossible to cry at women's retreats. So perhaps I too have a condition.

Katherine Page said...

I totally am feeling you on this. I never cried at all and always thought there was something wrong with me. Especially those moments at church when EVERY woman is crying. I can't believe I will admit this but I would so sit in front of my car airconditioner to try to dry my eyes out so that when I walked out they would over due the tears. I was in highschool. COME ON! So now like two years ago before I graduated college they just came. ALL THE TIME. Then I was freaking out because they wouldn't stop. IN MOVIES PEOPLE! MOVIES! I'm not a fan of movies and like to laugh at people like my mom and especailly my sister. She is the one who cries at those commercials with starving children. Okay that just sounded harsh. So now I am still sitting in my car in front of the air only to DRY THOSE PUPPIES UP.

Oh I should mention the acting class I HAD to take in college. I tried all kinds of things to try to cry. Let's just say I did my monologe looking like I was constipated. Trying to think of ANYTHING in my life that would make me cry. haha.

Have a great day.

Anonymous said...

Melissa~ If it makes you feel any better...Molly leaned over to me after the video yesterday and said, "Mom, that was the corniest thing ever." Not a tear from our row...except Larry.

Although, I guarantee that first dates and first kisses for your kids will BREAK your heart!No need to worry!

Love ya!

Sue said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You move when something affects YOU personally, and not for other things. If it doesn't stir you up, why cry?

KimmyJ said...

I wish I could control my crying - I blubber without control - You have made me cry on this blog, I cry for reality TV, yesterday I cried when our neighbors baby was baptized and we've only lived here 2 months and I don't even know her husband's's ridiculous, really!

Rhea said...

I don't cry easily either. Nope. Now, there might be something wrong with you, I don't know, but from my end, I like you the way you are. Don't change!

Anonymous said...

Well, I am, most of the time, your alter ego. I cry at the stupidest stuff. I can, seriously, go to a dance recital, where I know none of the children, or even a wedding, where I don't really know the happy couple and before I leave everyone around me thinks I am personally attached to a major player in the event. The weird thing is, and I've actually been thinking about this a lot, and wondering if there is something wrong with me... I was at a funeral a month or so ago, and didn't cry. Me, c'mon, I cry when the preschool choir does "Yes, Jesus loves me". I didn't cry, and I knew the lady (my husband's aunt). And I was sitting behind her daughter and granddaughters while they were nearly inconsolable. I didn't cry. I think it was a realization that I was so very blessed and had a lot to be thankful for. Either that or the Super B and Ginseng I've been taking... Who really knows? ;-) I'm with the other girls - you are just saving it for something big. But, I have avoided going to Tres Dias thus far because I am truly afraid that I will be dehydrated when I get home...
I must remain anonymous b/c of the aunt thing.. sorry.

Petts Allowed said...

Hey Melissa-- Over at HMS--in the drama class they TEACH the kids to cry on cue! (That's something for a grade!) I wasn't so sure it was so smart to teach a bunch of preteens that talent--it can be used against us in the court of law too much!! It may, however help them later in life with their significant other! You may want to stop in and see what they can do for ya! Kathi

NC said...

I have to say that I am one of those women who cries very easily. Commercials are the worst! And if someone else starts to cry, not good either. As far as crying due to your sweet baby getting you up all night, I CRY TOO! Yes they are sweet as can be but people, we need sleep if they want us to remember to feed them! Can I get an AMEN on that one? If you need help getting him sleeping, give me a call! :) I supposedly have a rep for this. Or maybe its the Zyrtec? :)

Midwest Mommy said...

You are so funny. I love the last part. I don't care who you are, you are never happy to be woken up 10 times between 10 pm and 6 am!!! Women you always so oh the first three months weren't that bad are full of you know what.

Cresta said...

Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you! I don't cry much either, unless I'm seriously hormonal. And I think people who cry at movies are crazy. They're MOVIES. As in NOT REAL!!! lol

Candice said...

I do the "laughing" thing too! If I hear bad news my first instinct is to smile and laugh and it makes me feel aweful! Granted, it's not AT ALL that I think it's funny or something to smile about... I just get nervous and scared and sad all at the same time and that's what comes out. (I tell myself that it's just a nervous laugh and simply a coping mechanism...)

Heather W said...

Don't worry my husband is also dead inside. I am the crier in our family. I cry at the movie Hope Floats everytime I see it (which has been about 50 times so far). I cry at commercials, music, a touching speech, pretty much if the wind blows I well up. It doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe you just like to save for emotion for a super touching moment so it doesn't go to waste. I know I am reaching. Good Luck with that!!!!

Lynda said...

One big crybaby checking in...someone has to "be there" for us. Guess you have another hat to wear :-)

Caution Flag said...

Early in our marriage, we went to see Little Women. Then Beth died. My husband started to sob and I sat there dry-eyed. I knew we were both very sick individuals at that point.

Shelley said...

OMGosh. I love this post. I am a fairly unemotional person. Both my boys went off to KG, no tears from me.
My little girl went to KG and I cried all the way back to the car.
I cried the 1st time I saw Steel Magnolias. I can finally watch it without blubbering (only cause I've seen it 21 million times) ok, not 21 million, but close.
Don't worry about it. You are exactly the way God made you. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Amy said...

Totally get what you are saying...I am the same way. I, too, have often wondered what is wrong with in numbers, right?!?!?

Karen said...

Idon't cry very often, either. It doesn't mean, however, that I don't feels emotions.

BTW ...I've also been known to laugh *innapropriatly*.

Shari said...

I hear you loud and clear! I am the same way. I have often wondered if I am 'dead' inside, too. When my husband is crying at something moving and I am just sitting there like nothing. I can feel it in my heart, but no tears. Sometimes, when someone laughs at a serious situation, it's the only way they can handle it at the time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Know I am praying for you!

Tracy P. said...

I cry when children sing about Jesus. Did not cry when either of my kids got on the kindergarten bus for the first time. (But if I had, they would have been totally celebratory tears!) Cried often over sleep deprivation with little ones. But not so much at expected times. There's a lot of pressure out there about crying at expected times. People should stop it. Seriously.

Amy said...

I cry ALL the time. At the airport yesterday I was waiting on my dad to get home and was watching all these people being reunited. I was overwhelmed! Anyway-read my last few posts to catch up on my dad..

Anita J. said...

If you can tell me you didn't cry when you read Same Kind of Different as Me, then I promise to pray for you about this every day for a week.

I was once asked to cover a singer at her great-aunt's funeral (whom I had never met). I stood behind her so if she started to cry I could jump in right where she was in the song she was doing. I bawled like a baby the whole time and she did GREAT. I think my blubbering perplexed her enough that the emotional side of her brain couldn't gain any ground.

Let me know on the book thing. BTW, I confess I was a little tiffed and might have shouted your name in anger in the middle of the night when I got to 'that part' of the book. Sorry. But I forgave you and apologized later. I'm glad I read it.

Rhonda said...

I cry during beer commercials. (Are they actually gonna kill the Kokanee dude?)

I had dry eyes during my husband's fire fighter graduation, but my friend bawled through the WHOLE THING! It was two hours long. (This graduation was 16 years in the making.)

I probably would have cried when I took my littlest to kindergarten a couple of weeks ago, but I had such a migraine and upset stomach I couldn't even open my eyes to wave good-bye. That totally sucks. Yet that same friend I just mentioned took her baby to kindergarten and her husband turned and started taking pictures of her instead of their son. She was THAT out of control.

Hallmark card commercials. Yes.

Hallmark cards in general. Usually.

When Leon wants some nookie. Most definitely.

Yet, get this. I think I'm completely, and insanely, normal. Yup.

And so are you, my friend.

Terezia said...

Take it from someone who cries at anything, this could be a blessing! I would love to know that I might be able to make it through a situation, any situation, without tears. And, heaven help me, my mother is worse so just look what a joy I will be to be around in the future!!

I cry, you don't. We just balance each other out.

Wep said...

I'm the SAME WAY!! I totally cry when I'm not supposed to, and don't cry when I am. I never cry at a funeral, even my fathers. Instead I crack jokes, and laugh. To some it's a coping mechanism. To me, it's just the way I am. Yet sometimes, for no reason at all, waterworks everywhere!

Anonymous said...

Trust me on this...enjoy it while you can. Your hormones will eventually not allow you not to the most inopportune times!

Hopefully at this point in time your hubby is the emotional one and can cover for you. After our two sons graduated from high school, some people commented that they had seen my husband cry at the ceremonies but not me. I had no response...I had had no tears. (I was jumping for joy on the inside and working very hard to control that high level of enthusiasm!) Five years later...all I have to do is think of them...uh-huh...and I cry!

Hang in there!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I am pretty much the same as you. My hubby was crying over the movie "Little Princess" and was looking at me like I was crazy because I was dry eyed. No take away my chocolate and I will cry like a baby. LOL

I know you are pretty bust right now but I left you a blog award over on my blog. Accept it if you wish, you are a awesome blogger. I have it scheduled to post at 12:00 AM my time.

Anonymous said...

That just means you are a strong woman! If you were one of those weepy woman, we just COULDN'T be friends. :)

Anonymous said...

That just means you are a strong woman! If you were one of those weepy woman, we just COULDN'T be friends. :)

Ruby said...

i havent visited your blog in a month or so melissa and i've been missing out.

i can't sleep tonight and needed a laugh or motivation lately.

so i said let me check out melissa's blog.
this post had me rolling! i'm laying in bed with my husband snoring on one side and my kitty curled up in a ball on my other side while reading your post. i'm laughing and trying not to wake either of them.

you are not dead inside.
you crack me up!

Anonymous said...

I used to be like you. Anytime I heard someone died, I would begin to laugh and so for sometime if I was told someone had died, I would quickly turn my face away and begin to say other things so that I could wipe the smile off my face. It wasnt because I was happy the person was dead. I dont know for some reason, i just used to laugh and then around 13 years of age I got this idea that I must be possessed by a demon.
Plus I never reacted to sad endings in movies. I bet I wouldnt have cried to steel magnolias either.
But then one day I heard that Christopher Reeves was dead and I cried for two weeks, everday. I was in deep mourning. You would have thought I knew the man personally. and since then, I have either cried or been really sad when I see a sad event.
I dont know how, but people are complex beings that I dont believe the field of psychology (which I believe is still in infancy if not fetal stage) is developed enough to explain. And religion can not explain it either. Only God can tell us why we behave like that and he hasnt said it yet, so, dont believe anyone who says anything is wrong with you. I mean its not like you have begun to skin cats for the fun of it (hopefully not) and until you begin to commit atrocious crimes for fun, you can remember you are sane and well.

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