Sep 2, 2008

A Tale of Two Stories.

So this Gustav thing really puts a bit of "frantic" in the air.
Want an example? Okay, here goes.

So Saturday night we get the bright idea to go to the grocery store because we MUST stock up on water. MUST. Cannot wait to get water. MUST get water now. A hurricane is'a comin' and we gotta get our share. GOTTA GET WATER!

So I went in to get some water for my parents.

And some Blue Bell might have accidentally fallen into the cart. Accidentally, of course.

Because if a hurricane is'a comin' and we lose power then at least we will have water and Blue Bell to drink. And on that, my lovelies, I can survive.

Oh, and some Big Sexy Hairspray. I did pick that up, too. But that was only in case Matt Lauer made an appearance and needed to talk to someone dignified, who had a touch of class, nice hair and all of their teeth.

Okay back to my story. I am in the check-out line (which was Express and I was over the amount allowed. Yes, I am that woman) when I hear someone behind me whisper my name.

The rest shall be told in two varied accounts. You be the judge.

Story #1:

"Melissa? Melissa Lee?"

(Oh man, this is soooo one of my old high school teachers probably wanting to know how I'm doing and if I ever made anything of myself. And considering I may or may not be wearing a bra I'm pretty sure the evidence speaks for itself.) I do not turn around.


(Man, they are persistent. Must be Mrs. Harrison - 9th grade - Algebra) I turn, "Yes?"

"Hi. It's me...KM." *Let it be said for the record her name was actually longer than KM but she may not want to be named on my blog...seriously, would you? I'm keepin' it legal.

(For pete's sake. I went to high school with her and have no idea who she is.) "I'm sorry. I'm trying to remember."

"Oh no, we didn't go to school together. I'm KM.I read your blog all the time. I post as ___."

"OH HI!!!! Wow, a blog friend. How in the world did you recognize me?"

"Well, you look like your picture..."

"I do? Cause I'm trying to do something different with my hair..."

"Well, yeah, except that your hair has grown out. But I knew you were gonna be in Lufkin this week so I was wondering if I might see you somewhere."

(I'm hoping to God at this point she's stalking me. You all know I have been praying for one of those for years now.) "Oh my gosh - well, I can't believe you are seeing me like this. Listen, KM, if you ever leave a comment saying anything other than 'Man, that Melissa is a stunner,' you shall be banned forever."

Appropriate amounts of laughter ensued.

The end.

Well, I'm not saying it was entirely the end - we talked a lot more than that, but I can't post every dot and tittle - youknowwhatI'msaying?

Story #2:

"Melissa? Melissa Lee?"

(Dear Lord, how do people find me? Can I seriously not go out of the house anymore and NOT be recognized. Even when I try to disguise myself by putting on extra weight and placing fake acne on my face. Still.) I don't turn around.


(Okay, this is persistence at it's best right here. Fine. I'll give them a picture and send them on their merry way.) I turn around and act all stunned that I heard someone say my name.

"Hi, it's me...KM."

(Hmmm...I couldn't have possibly gone to high school with her she looks way older than my 24 years. Bless her heart.) "I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember..."

"Oh, no, silly, we didn't go to school together.I just read your blog every day. In fact, I was recently voted president of the Melissa Lee Fan Club. I'm your biggest fan! I always leave comments as Meliscious is Delicious. Can you sign my t-shirt?"

" wonderful - another blog stalker. Oh no, I'm not used to that at all." Laugh, laugh. Kiss, kiss. "So how in the word did you recognize me?"

"Well, it wasn't easy. You don't look anything like your picture."

"Oh, I know. That's a picture that I found online. It's of a very lonely girl. Sad isn't it?"

"Oh, and your hair. Where do you get it done?"

"Monte Carlo."

"I see you buy your products here at the grocery store though...Big Sexy."

"Uh, that's for my mom. Bless her heart."

"Oh, well. I had read you were gonna be in Lufkin this week and I have literally gone everywhere trying to track you down. I mean EVERYWHERE. Everywhere I thought you might go...I went to the Mexican restaurant 13 times, the Barbecue restaurant 4 times and the movie theatre 6 times. And Ross."

"Wow, that might be considered stalking? Right? Right?"

"Well, I wasn't trying to stalk you..."

"Sure you where. Moving on."

"Well, it was really great to meet you."

"I know."

"And I can't wait to tell the other bloggers..."

"Listen KM, if you leave a comment don't tell them you saw me out in these hip new jeans and stilettos. Okay? I want to be perceived as a normal girl."

"Oh, I won't. Believe me. Especially since you're wearing flip-flops and sweat pants...with ketchup on them."

"Alright, that's enough from you. Off you go."

The end.

Now folks, I don't mean to brag. Honestly, I don't. That's just not me. But neither is exaggerating a story just to make it more interesting. So knowing all that - which story do you think is true?

No wait. I take that back. Which story do you think is more interesting? Let's go with that question.

By the way...* the following was true and not a paid advertisement. And thanks to my sweet new friend, KM, who does exist, is real and was both precious and beautiful - and didn't look a day over her God-given age. (Though she is wildy older than me.)

I'm just sayin'...


Sue said...

Oh my, haha.

T said...

Your so funny! Your very own blogger stalker! I am so proud of ya!!

Sissy said...

I think you should consider yourself a celebrity if someone found you in the grocery store! I think that would be so have someone in another town, know me.

Amy said...

Aww..arent you lucky to have a stalker! Ha. That would be aweful to be out looking 'not your best' when someone recognizes you. Glad you are having fun in Lufkin!

Rhonda said...

Oh, how COOL is that!!!

Wow! Your own stalker!

I hope you had a celebratory Blue Bell! (What is a blue bell anyway??)

GingerJar said...

OMG somebody who doesn't know what "Blue Bell" is...obviously not in the best ice-cream on the planet...except HEB trys to fool people with their knock-off brand "Blue Bunny" which is not the same as a "House Bunny".

Too cool, getting noticed. Oh, and Lufkin is way far inland...why did ya'll need water??? Because everyone was evac'ing there???? You should have seen the people down here during would have thought bottle water was nectar of the Gods...but then I was glad for every dang drop I had stored up....even though we didn't lose a water supply....just electricity.

Love your blog.

Lauren W said...

Mmmm... Blue Bell...
Oh Melissa... you're just so cool. How do you stand being so famous? Isn't it tough knowing that you can't go anywhere without being bombarded by people wanting your autograph?

Karol said...

Lol...oh, the famous life! ;)

katy said...

Ok, so found the link to your blog on a friend's blog. I freakin' love it! You are the way you write :-).
Enjoyed this post and the previous one about Gustav, made me teary eyed...
Be Blessed!

Lynda said...

Either one of these is great - especially in Lufkin of all places!

Tracy P. said...

You are SO clever! Cuz if the power goes out, you have to quick eat up the Blue Bell. Love that! What flavor???

Anonymous said...

Love it! That is so cool. If you ever come to central Alabama...for what, I don't know...please post about it. I'll be sure to be a stalking friend.

Melissa said...

Okay, I love that you have a true following like that. It happens to me all the time. In fact, I have a disguise I now wear when I go out anywhere. I gets easier. Learning to dodge the paparazzi is the most challenging. If you have any tips, I'm open to advice.

How's the weather now? Did you all have any damage from my grandfather-in-law, Gustav????

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

How funny. If you make it a little further to Tyler, I would be glad to stalk you,too. Ha ha ha.

Rhea said...

You are totally famous now! Your first blogger sighting! I'm impressed. And IN LUFKIN! howdeedoody!!

Fun stories, love the different ones.

NoneYa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NoneYa said...

I'm a new reader and lady, you are freaking hilarious.

"accidentally" throwing ice cream into the cart. classic.

Hope you stay safe from Gustav!

The Beauty Bargainista said...

Ok Melissa....hand over the Bluebell and no one gets hurt!! hehe Love it! Too bad your not in Austin, I would totally stock you down! :) hehehe

Lula! said...

I get recognized all the time, all over the place..."Aren't you the gal who mans the table at Melissa Lee Radke's concert appearances?"

Yep, that's me. And no, she doesn't take special requests UNLESS its beneficial to Lula. And if the request is accompanined by some Blue Bell and Julio's.

I'm just sayin'. It will be a real scenario one day.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

You are such a great writer. Funny Story.

We don't have Blue Bell here in Souther Cali but Ice Cream always jumps into my cart somehow.

Time for a new disguise!!

Kelly said...

You so funny! How cool is run into a fan in the grocery store...small world!!!

Perksofbeingme said...

Have I told you lately that you're amazing? Well if I haven't, I am now:

You're amazing.

**and I'd totally love to stalk you**

Insane Mama said...

Oh my GOD, My dream for someone to recognize me. How cool

Shelley said...


I peed my pants laughing at you. Trying to disguise yourself by gaining weight and using fake acne. I am rolling in the pee right now on the floor.

I love me some Blue Bell ice cream too.

You go girl!!!!

Osage Bluff Quilter said...

What a story(s) so funny. Cool blog! I will be back.

Ronnica said...

Fun stuff.

I haven't seen Blue Bell here in NC. I do like their birthday cake ice cream, though...

I had a similar situation happen the other day (minus all the hilarous commentary), the first time I met someone who read my blog. It's a neat/scary experience (though we have RL friends in common, so I wasn't weirded out at all)!

Anonymous said...

How do you know you don't have a stalker already? I mean just because you don't see me...uh...I mean "them" doesn't mean "they" aren't there... I'm just sayin'...


Aja Jenise said...

girl you are FREAKIN hilarious... i am peeing in my seat here! this is the best entertainment at 1am... well what other entertainment is there really?! hee hee... okay thanks for the comedy!!


Mrs4444 said...

You are a goofball; a funny goofball. I've missed your blog (starting at the back and heading forward, as I caught a glimpse of some good news and want to gently ease into it (building up the excitement!)