Be Still And Know

Today's post is a little odd in that it might not be as much for YOU to read, but FOR ME to say, FOR ME to remind MYSELF of.

Maybe today's post is all for me. Maybe I am writing this because I NEED to.

So forgive me, if you will.

Tonight I was traveling home from church with a lot on my mind. A lot. There are several things just running rampant up in that big ol' empty brain of mine right now...things I just can't seem to put down, put to bed, put to rest.

And I hate that.

For you see, I am obsessive compulsive (this has not been diagnosed by a doctor, only an Attorney. Cough. Cough.) Oh, yes, indeedy I am. In fact, if there is something going on in my life that is nice and easy I will ( I MUST) obsess and over-analyze it until I find something - something, anything - that is wrong with it! To which I will then go OCD all over the place and inspect it until I am both exhausted and angry. And most times it will be all for not.

Why am I like this?

So tonight as I was traveling home from church I rolled the windows down on my car, handed Remi her sippy cup (which equals peace and quiet) and had "a moment."
It was quiet.
There was a nice breeze.
The stars were beautiful.
And I was a mess.

But why did that happen...
I just don't get it...
Why is she acting like that...
Why does she hate me...
Why did that person say that...
Do you think they really meant to...
Did I mess this whole thing up...
Am I to blame...
I'm to blame, aren't I...
Why does this always happen to...
I can't believe that...

And there I was. Back in my vicious cycle.

But then...God.

Oh, what He can do with only a moment.

If I were to try to calm myself down it would take hours - maybe days - there was this one time it took a year and a half.

Oh, but God.

He can speak to me like no one else can.
He can read my mind.
Know my thoughts.
Calm my fears.
And answer my questions.

And tonight He did just that. All in a moment.

I am reminded of the old hymn that I used to sing growing up...

Be still my soul; the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change; He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend.
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.

Allow me to say it again to myself, just for good measure, of course.
BE STILL MY SOUL...

And then listen to the words He so tenderly reminded me of, in return.
THE LORD IS ON THY SIDE.

Anyone else out there feeling this way tonight?
Anyone having a hard time letting your mind rest easy?
Taking a night off from the guilt?
Taking a breather from the chaos?
Anyone having trouble letting go of the reigns so that God can have just a moment with you?

On that car ride home tonight I felt Him so near to me. I felt Him speak so clearly to me. "Melissa. Be still. Hush. Let go of it. Leave it alone. Take your hands off of it. This problem you're obsessing about? It's for me. Not you."

Reassuring, isn't it?

When The AG and I traveled to Texas a few weeks ago we got to my parents house very late at night. As we tiptoed down the hall to see if anyone was awake I noticed my little sister had left her bedroom door open. Having just had her whole room remodeled (goodbye pastels, hello neon!) I tiptoed inside, turned on a lamp and looked around. As I turned to leave I caught a glimpse of a sign hanging on her wall; though I sing "Jesus Loves Me" with Remi every day, some 30 or 40 times, the words that hung on her wall that night, touched me.

It said...Jesus Knows Me. This I Love.

I'm thinking about those words now - as I type this post. And I'm remembering my car ride home.
How clearly He spoke.
How purposeful were His words ("Let go, Melissa. I have it. It's mine. Just be still.")
How sincerely he knew me.

He knows you, too.

So be still.

Jesus Knows Me. This I Love.