Sep 18, 2008

Be Still And Know

Today's post is a little odd in that it might not be as much for YOU to read, but FOR ME to say, FOR ME to remind MYSELF of.

Maybe today's post is all for me. Maybe I am writing this because I NEED to.

So forgive me, if you will.

Tonight I was traveling home from church with a lot on my mind. A lot. There are several things just running rampant up in that big ol' empty brain of mine right now...things I just can't seem to put down, put to bed, put to rest.

And I hate that.

For you see, I am obsessive compulsive (this has not been diagnosed by a doctor, only an Attorney. Cough. Cough.) Oh, yes, indeedy I am. In fact, if there is something going on in my life that is nice and easy I will ( I MUST) obsess and over-analyze it until I find something - something, anything - that is wrong with it! To which I will then go OCD all over the place and inspect it until I am both exhausted and angry. And most times it will be all for not.

Why am I like this?

So tonight as I was traveling home from church I rolled the windows down on my car, handed Remi her sippy cup (which equals peace and quiet) and had "a moment."
It was quiet.
There was a nice breeze.
The stars were beautiful.
And I was a mess.

But why did that happen...
I just don't get it...
Why is she acting like that...
Why does she hate me...
Why did that person say that...
Do you think they really meant to...
Did I mess this whole thing up...
Am I to blame...
I'm to blame, aren't I...
Why does this always happen to...
I can't believe that...

And there I was. Back in my vicious cycle.

But then...God.

Oh, what He can do with only a moment.

If I were to try to calm myself down it would take hours - maybe days - there was this one time it took a year and a half.

Oh, but God.

He can speak to me like no one else can.
He can read my mind.
Know my thoughts.
Calm my fears.
And answer my questions.

And tonight He did just that. All in a moment.

I am reminded of the old hymn that I used to sing growing up...

Be still my soul; the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change; He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend.
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.

Allow me to say it again to myself, just for good measure, of course.
BE STILL MY SOUL...

And then listen to the words He so tenderly reminded me of, in return.
THE LORD IS ON THY SIDE.

Anyone else out there feeling this way tonight?
Anyone having a hard time letting your mind rest easy?
Taking a night off from the guilt?
Taking a breather from the chaos?
Anyone having trouble letting go of the reigns so that God can have just a moment with you?

On that car ride home tonight I felt Him so near to me. I felt Him speak so clearly to me. "Melissa. Be still. Hush. Let go of it. Leave it alone. Take your hands off of it. This problem you're obsessing about? It's for me. Not you."

Reassuring, isn't it?

When The AG and I traveled to Texas a few weeks ago we got to my parents house very late at night. As we tiptoed down the hall to see if anyone was awake I noticed my little sister had left her bedroom door open. Having just had her whole room remodeled (goodbye pastels, hello neon!) I tiptoed inside, turned on a lamp and looked around. As I turned to leave I caught a glimpse of a sign hanging on her wall; though I sing "Jesus Loves Me" with Remi every day, some 30 or 40 times, the words that hung on her wall that night, touched me.

It said...Jesus Knows Me. This I Love.

I'm thinking about those words now - as I type this post. And I'm remembering my car ride home.
How clearly He spoke.
How purposeful were His words ("Let go, Melissa. I have it. It's mine. Just be still.")
How sincerely he knew me.

He knows you, too.

So be still.

Jesus Knows Me. This I Love.


32 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I really identify with this post, because I am so much the same way. "What did she mean by that? They must've been talking about ME..." etc......
That peace is such a good feeling.

ugagirl30 said...

Nice. Oh, how much more peaceful our lives would be if we would just let God have our problems and be still.

Jesus Knows Me. This I Love.

Lacey in the Sky said...

I'm completely identifying with this post... I've had a rough week. And I don't understand what's going on or how I'm supposed to fix it... ugh. I always talk to God, but I think it's time we sit down for coffee. I'm glad you wrote about this :)

Stacia said...

Thank you for your morning reminder.
It always calms me to know that He is always there. Always faithful. Always cares.
We are never alone and it makes all the difference.
Your post was a great one and I'm glad it helped you to be at peace.
Thanks!

Rhea said...

I have moments like yours where I can't turn off my mind, my worry button's stuck in the ON position. But, I haven't found that inner peace like you have. Not yet.

I use Xanax. :o)

Karol said...

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I tend to take everything and put it on my plate, and it makes me crazy. I need to give it to Him.

We've been having problems with our 6 year old. Mouthy, tantrums, fits, hitting little brother, and lying. I'm at a serious loss. I feel like a failure with him. I pray my little boy will come back.

Kat said...

Wow.

Thank you so much for allowing God to use YOU to speak directly to ME!

I have definitely been struggling with stress/anxiety lately and needed to hear that. All of that.

Your blog is such a blessing, Melissa, and so are you!!!

Kat

Caroline said...

What a beautiful post. That's what I need to hear too often I'm afraid. God is so good. I was just wishing I had those lyrics to Be Still My Soul the other day, but I didn't know them beyond the first verse. Thanks! The Lord showed me something that I needed to surrender to Him yesterday (but had been unwilling to give) and I wrote in on a tiny piece of paper, went down (in the rain) to the creek in our yard, and sent it down the creek. Tangible reminders that I've given something to God always help. See if that's something He wants you to do. I've noticed its helped me not stress over it so much, and believe me, this is a battle I've had going on 15 years now.

Blessings to you as you and your family settle into your new "normal"!

Kimberly said...

Its true. Jesus does know each of us. He loves us and knows about our "issues" yet loves us still.

Sometimes I have a hard time "being still" and letting Him take over so that I can have more faith. Its so necessary and so wonderful when I can though!

Thanks for your post. It may have been for you, but I needed it too.

Stephanie said...

Just so you know, this post was not just for you. It was written for me too.

Thank you!

marykay said...

I wish I was as close to God as you. I have been agonizing over a problem for the last month and I know I should just hand it over to God and he will take care of it and me, yet being the type A personality I am I just can't let go. I hope to someday be more like you.

Kori said...

I had a come to Jesus meeting myself yesterday on my way home, alone, in the car. I blogged about it if you wanted to check it out.

Beautiful post. Thanks.

Kendrawolf said...

Thank you.

Rhonda said...

My life has sort of gone into the crapper lately. Perhaps it's partly because I stopped going to church. My foul mouth and foul spirit are testimony to that, I suppose.

I wish I could find that faith that I can so clearly see in others. I just don't have it.

Sorry. I've just had a bad year. I'm usually rays of bright, bright sunshine. lol

:-)

Leighann said...

Your blog also reminded me of the verse to In the Garden that says, He speaks and the sound of his voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing
And the melody that he gives to me
Within my heart is ringing....

God is good. All the time.

Terezia said...

Okay, were you listening to my prayers yesterday or what? I heard the same thing from God yesterday. Thanks for opening this up and yes, reminding us that He has it all in control!!

Blissful Nikki said...

I am such a control freak, so I know what your going through. But I love the "Jesus knows me, this I love" thats just beautiful!!

Candice said...

Girl... you described me to a t! Even though I try not to, I over-analyze just the same way... Praise God that he does give us that much needed peace when we lay everything over to him!

Sarah W. said...

Can we be best friends? Seriously, I have been really been struggling with an odd friendship in my life. This was so timely and refreshing. I loved the line that God is on our sides. I, of course, know that....but I needed to hear it today. Thank you!!

And I am totally making a sign for my kids....thats in your sisters room! So sweet!! And true!

carsholtz said...

OK, so here's your NEXT challenge and the thing that I have the most trouble with: You've given it to Him, now DON'T TAKE IT BACK!

I am SUCH an over-analyzer. For six months now, I've had to sit back and watch while "God takes care of it"! It's gut-wrenching and I hate the "not knowing", but you know what I've found? Things turn out SO MUCH BETTER when HE handles it!

God will ALWAYS take loving care of you when you ALLOW Him to take the wheel! Sometimes in the moment it doesn't FEEL like it, but in the end it's so overwhelming to sit back and see how He's worked EACH DETAIL to protect and provide for you.

I'm with you sister! THANKS for the reminder!

Wep said...

Were we separated at birth? I have those feelings almost daily. I can quickly forget my successes but hold onto my failures for dear life. :(

Lula! said...

I kind of love you a wee little bit. Just so you know.

Anita J. said...

Anybody else? I had grounded myself from commenting on posts today for this very reason, but I have to make an exception just for you. Here's a copy of today's blog that posted at 12:01 AM:

REST

Too much and I'm a sluggard.
Not enough and I burn out.

I think I'm gonna go get some rest.
But not too much.

Anita
www.mudandcoffee.blogspot.com

Shelley said...

I needed to hear you say this as well. I love you and your little family girl. Keep on loving Jesus and letting him love you.

Tracy P. said...

Oh, THAT SONG! What a ministry Selah's version of it had in my life during some years of major loss. Thanks for sharing your heart, Melissa.

Perksofbeingme said...

You know I obsess over every little thing, and while I'm not sure how I feel about the whole god thing still, this was good to read. Thank you again for writing what I need to hear.

The Hultman's said...

Jesus Knows ME, This I Love...

Beautiful. Never thought of it like that...

Angela said...

Thanks so much, Melissa. I needed that reminder today!
Hugs,

The Collins Family said...

Thank you for sharing this! Add me to the list of people who needed to hear (well, read) it!

Cheryl said...

I used to have a mug that had the verse "Be still and know that I am God". There were times when it would crop up just when I needed to see that. Thanks for the reminder.

Annie said...

My heart is sad and hurting tonight... before I read this post, I kept feeling a tug at my mind saying... it's mine, let me take it. There is a sick part of me that wants to keep it... wants to feel the pain (after all, what she is doing REALLY hurts me... deeply!) but then I read this, and I am going to let go and BE STILL. That what He wants of me. Not all the crazyanalyzation that only brings more bitterness and hurt. Thank you. I love your blog ~ funny yet not obnoxious, serious and heartfelt, but always with a surprising snort. That's an ingredient I need in my blog... but I just don't have the funny gene. Blessings-

Traci said...

I haven't visited here in a while.. I'm so glad that I scrolled down to read this post because it was clearly something that He wanted me to read today. Thank you!