Peggy and Me and Pitt and Jolie.

Oh, please. Don't act like you ain't gonna buy it.

Apparently a couple of weeks ago some little known couple, I think their names are Brent and Ashley, gave birth to twins.

Big deal.

I know a lady who's cat, Peggy, got pregnant like 30 times, and I don't remember anybody selling pictures of that for a 14 million dollar fee.

Apparently though, these kids are different.

Apparently they have a pretty good chance of being spectacularly gorgeous.

And apparently Bob and Amanda are spectacularly wealthy.

And apparently there are like 14 nannies standing by to help out. (I don't know that for a fact. So I hope Amanda doesn't leave me a comment correcting me...cuz I hear she's a big fan of Stretch Marks.)

But still I say, big deal.

Peggy The Cat was part calico - part barn cat, so she was kind of pretty, although she had that one malfunctioning teet that hung down longer than all the others.

And considering Peggy lived in a barn and ate rats for dinner I'm not guessing she was very well-off.

And no, there were no nannies standing by ready to help Peggy the Cat with her litter of 17. Although there was a snake and a 17 pound rat that kept a pretty close eye on them. IfyouknowwhatImean.

But I digress.

So, Bert and Angel are a good-looking couple. Of this, I think we can agree. But let's take a look at something, shall we? Take a look at that picture again. Look closely now...

Is that a nightgown she's wearing?

And not just any nightgown, but one of those JCPenney style gowns that you can find me in any night of the week between the hours of 6pm and 10am? Granted, mine looks a little different. It's blue. With little white flowers on it. And it reeks of fajitas. (Please believe me when I say, I don't know why. I have washed it one million times.)

Oh, and when I wear it I tend to pull my hair back in bobby pins all over my head and wear a seaweed mask on my T-zone. But other than those few differences I think it's safe to say, due to the JCPenney nightgown, we look eerily similar.

It's the Attorney General who's the problem. He doesn't look ANYTHING like Bart. NOTHING! And I'll be honest, sometimes I feel like he's holding me back.

Sooooo...all this to say, you know you're gonna go and buy that magazine. You know you are. Your curiosity won't let you pass the check-out line and not purchase it. I am. I readily admit it. If you see me in Publix - you shall see it in my buggy - and you are free to ridicule me and point and stare and roll your eyes. And wonder why I would spend my money on that instead of something healthy and green to eat.

But hey! I'm just trying to help them build an orphanage in Jaggempet, India or Tampa Bay - I'm not sure what they really said. So pretty much it's just me doing my part of making this world a better place.

Besides, let me go on record as saying that if the AG and I were on the cover of that magazine, with me in my JCPenney nightgown, the title "Introducing the Twins..." would take on a whole new meaning.

And that, my friends, would bring in some dough.