You Asked. Now You Shall Recieve.

Let's get straight into this...

My friend Marky asked: Melissa, have you seen that commercial for Pizza Hut where they bring the pasta into an unsuspecting restaurant full of people? Do you think that's for real? My husband and I disagree about it.

Marky, Marky, Marky. I'm glad you didn't tell me who thinks it's for real and who thinks it's an idiotic attempt to make all of us who watch American television look like morons. Cause I would hate to offend either one of you. But it's so funny you ask this trivial, yet all important question, because you see, the Attorney General and I have had this exact discussion. It went like this...

Me: Is that commercial for real.
Him: No. Don't be stupid.
Me: Okay.

So you see, if you really think about it - it's not for real. I know this because A.) nothing on television is real - except for Judge Judy. I really believe her. B.) Do you really honestly think the pasta created by PIZZA HUT is good enough to trick a room full of New Yorkers? I mean, I'm pretty sure anything I could pick up at the Spring Hill drive-through has to be lacking in something. And C.) The Attorney General said it wasn't real. Thus...it isn't real.

Lovely Lisa emailed me to ask this: Okay, I went to a wedding last weekend and they passed around a boot that we were supposed to put money into. What's up with that? I had just given them a gift from William's Sonoma that wasn't cheap! So was that really necessary? I didn't put any in - and my sister said I was rude for not doing so. We both read your blog religiously - so this should be good - who is is right?

Uh, oh. Cat Fight.
To be perfectly honest. I agree with you. However, it's your own durn fault if your sister even noticed you didn't put any money in! Why didn't you fake it? What's wrong with you woman? If a shoe, or boot, or one of those ridiculous money-tree's is passed around, you FAKE IT! Do you hear me? You fake it. Here is "faking it" in three easy steps:

1. Take the boot from the person that passed it to you with a huge smile on your face, act excited as you reach down for your purse and utter something like, "Oh good, good. I was wondering when it would get over here."
2. Pretend to take money from your purse. Pretend to fold it up. Pretend to have it in your hand. Pretend, pretend, pretend. All the while muttering, "Have you tasted this punch? Oh my Lord, this punch!"
3. Stick your hand in to the boot all the while smiling, smiling, smiling...laughing, laughing, laughing...and making comments like "They better use this money for bills and not trivial stuff like lotions or soft lighting light bulbs."

See how easy that is? So do I fault you for not giving? No. Do I fault you for ignorance? Yes.
You both should be very happy.

Little Lula LeighAnn Litton asked me if I would post a clip of me singing.

No.

Well, my lovelies, that's all for this Friday's edition. I hope you have a wonderful Friday night. And I beg you to go out and do something fun! Go see "Get Smart." Or go eat cheap Mexican food and order cheese dip in honor of me! Go to Marshall's and spend an absurd amount of money. Or tell your family you forgot something at the grocery store and you'll be right back...and then go and get your feet done.

Until next time, bloglies.