Jun 20, 2008

You Asked. Now You Shall Recieve.

Let's get straight into this...

My friend Marky asked: Melissa, have you seen that commercial for Pizza Hut where they bring the pasta into an unsuspecting restaurant full of people? Do you think that's for real? My husband and I disagree about it.

Marky, Marky, Marky. I'm glad you didn't tell me who thinks it's for real and who thinks it's an idiotic attempt to make all of us who watch American television look like morons. Cause I would hate to offend either one of you. But it's so funny you ask this trivial, yet all important question, because you see, the Attorney General and I have had this exact discussion. It went like this...

Me: Is that commercial for real.
Him: No. Don't be stupid.
Me: Okay.

So you see, if you really think about it - it's not for real. I know this because A.) nothing on television is real - except for Judge Judy. I really believe her. B.) Do you really honestly think the pasta created by PIZZA HUT is good enough to trick a room full of New Yorkers? I mean, I'm pretty sure anything I could pick up at the Spring Hill drive-through has to be lacking in something. And C.) The Attorney General said it wasn't real. Thus...it isn't real.

Lovely Lisa emailed me to ask this: Okay, I went to a wedding last weekend and they passed around a boot that we were supposed to put money into. What's up with that? I had just given them a gift from William's Sonoma that wasn't cheap! So was that really necessary? I didn't put any in - and my sister said I was rude for not doing so. We both read your blog religiously - so this should be good - who is is right?

Uh, oh. Cat Fight.
To be perfectly honest. I agree with you. However, it's your own durn fault if your sister even noticed you didn't put any money in! Why didn't you fake it? What's wrong with you woman? If a shoe, or boot, or one of those ridiculous money-tree's is passed around, you FAKE IT! Do you hear me? You fake it. Here is "faking it" in three easy steps:

1. Take the boot from the person that passed it to you with a huge smile on your face, act excited as you reach down for your purse and utter something like, "Oh good, good. I was wondering when it would get over here."
2. Pretend to take money from your purse. Pretend to fold it up. Pretend to have it in your hand. Pretend, pretend, pretend. All the while muttering, "Have you tasted this punch? Oh my Lord, this punch!"
3. Stick your hand in to the boot all the while smiling, smiling, smiling...laughing, laughing, laughing...and making comments like "They better use this money for bills and not trivial stuff like lotions or soft lighting light bulbs."

See how easy that is? So do I fault you for not giving? No. Do I fault you for ignorance? Yes.
You both should be very happy.

Little Lula LeighAnn Litton asked me if I would post a clip of me singing.


Well, my lovelies, that's all for this Friday's edition. I hope you have a wonderful Friday night. And I beg you to go out and do something fun! Go see "Get Smart." Or go eat cheap Mexican food and order cheese dip in honor of me! Go to Marshall's and spend an absurd amount of money. Or tell your family you forgot something at the grocery store and you'll be right back...and then go and get your feet done.

Until next time, bloglies.


KimmyJ said...

Laughing so hard about the boot. Love your blog. How did you know my trick about forgetting something at the grocery??

Swirl Girl said...

That Pizza Hut pasta commercial couldn't fool diners at Walmart much less New Yorkers.

The boot thing is so tacky. We went to a wedding once when they actually took safety pins and pinned bills on the bride. Unless you got your dress at the $.99 cent store - you're not pinning anything on a me! Asking for money is the most classless thing I have ever seen. If someone passed me a boot at a wedding - I would say "oooh door-prizes!" and reach in and take some. The only thing more tacky than that would be one of those glass booths full of cash that blows the money around and you keep what you catch.

Have a nice weekend, too.
Tonight is Disney's Camp Rock. Joy.


Lula! said...

Whatever, Melissa. But one fine Sunday you will see me worshipping in your church, and I will stand and request "Freebird" or "Brown-Eyed Girl," as well as my personal prayer concerns, and demand you start singing then and there. Or you could do "We Built This City On Rock & Roll." Whatever...

Swirlgirl, I'm so glad you reminded me of Camp Rock. We dig the Jonas Brothers. I love them, in a non-pedophile kind of way.

Finally...Lovely Lisa, were you at a yankee wedding? 'Cause here in the south we just don't DO such as this. No boot, no satin purse meant to be stuffed with cash, no putting "We are Registered at Belk" cards in the wedding invite. That's just wrong as a ding-dong. So yeah--take Melissa's advice, even though she won't sing for us--FAUX give like it's your job. That's faux give...not forgive.

Back to Melissa...WHATEVER.

Bella's mama said...

Oh my heck!!! You had me laughing out loud 3 times and I haven't even hit the previous button. You are too FUNNY!!!!

Love myself that I stumbled upon this blog.

Have a blessed weekend,


Heather said...

I've never heard of this money boot tradition. It sounds incredibly rude. Who are they to assume I want to give them money? Maybe they should pass around a boot for me because I'm the little old lady living in a shoe with my bo-jillions of children.

It's why I can't watch Extreme Home Makeover or Oprah's favorite things. I'm bitter.

Anonymous said...

I love your answer about the boot....and its EXACTLY what I would have done.

Love your blog...and I've heard you sing! so....na na na na na

Staci said...

shaoooot, id be like passin that boot right on to the next person, and hold my hands up sayin sup?? i dont give a rats arse what anyone else thinks, ive always thought dollar dances were LAME i mean their gonna get their entire house furnished by all their gifts anyway, why do they need more......

lol you like my gangsta talk???

Deanna said...

Okay, I have to leave a comment. At the risk of sounding like some weirdo who made you her good friend, I read your blog almost every day and you make me laugh and cry and feel like I know you from somewhere! I love the last sentence on this post...will definitely have to start forgetting things at the store!

Mrs. S said...

I found you through Heather at SITS. You are just too cute! I do scrapbook but I'm a year behind (and I may never get the chance to do so again...or the money for pictures, jeez) (anyway), but I just think your blog is funny.

Adrienne said...

So i am from over at SITS. and well... I read the three recommended blogs... and then the newest one, and the one after that and the one after that... etc etc... and now I am here. And I plan on reading and reading and reading. hey, I am getting paid $9 bucks an hour to sit at this damned desk with nothing to do besides HOMEWORK... bleh. (Work study at a community college) hahaha. (easiest job ever, I happen to be puppy sitting atm.... he is passed the eff out!)

all in all.

When I get married. I am passing a money tree/boot/shoe and HAT around!