Death Where Is Thy Sting? Oh, Wait...There It Is. (Bachelor Recap)

Let's take a quiz.

You're a man.

You're charming and handsome, rugged and Texan. You enjoy good food and loud music. You like to have fun and eat barbecue. When you go on a date, do you...
a. Go to a small town diner and taste the local flavor.
b. Picnic in the park, fly a kite, make dinner - at home - with your date.
c. Enjoy nice conversation, red wine and family bonding.
d. Pretend to be dead and imagine yourself being thrown into a raging furnace.

How did you do? Wanna try another one?

You're (still) a man.

You have four dates to go on with four very lovely women. You are excited for all of them because...
a. You get to meet their family and see if you mesh well with them.
b. You get to see the town they grew up in and learn more about them.
c. You enjoy seeing a different, more intimate side of each of them and feel a certain comfort level with them.
d. You get to lay perfectly still while someone pretends to drain you of your natural juices.

You did better on that one, didn't you?

Ya know, there are just some things you shouldn't do on a date. I, personally, don't recommend fairly obvious things like: throwing up, calling him by the wrong name or telling him you voted for Clinton (I'm kidding, y'all). But one would think that at some point in Mausoleum's life someone told her, "Honey, you are so beautiful. You are naturally gorgeous and women would kill for your legs. You really shouldn't bring a date to a funeral home, show him how to cremate people and ask him to pick out the crypt he wants to spend eternity in."

But that's just me. And I didn't date much. So maybe I was doing it all wrong.

But last nights Bachelor was anything but a shocker. All eight of us knew who was going home even before he handed out that last rose. So there was no screaming, no shrieking, no throwing things at the t.v. Just a lot of "I saw that comin'" or "well, what did she expect?" going around.

Next week he takes the last three of them to South Africa where I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that The Dentist gets lost in the jungle, My-Daddy-Owns-A-Car-Lot stands to close to a croc and the Bachelor and Emily decide to get married on top of an elephant. Which might sound completely ridiculous and crazy, but, my lovelies, this is The Bachelor. And I assure you...stranger things have happened.