Cattiness is NOT Next to Godliness. (Bachelor Recap)

So here's the problem with women...

Sometimes they can be catty.

I say "they" as if I'm not one. But I am. And sometimes I can be catty, too. Like a couple of days ago when I met someone who reminded me of someone else so I decided not to be friends with the NEW person because they reminded me too much of the OLD person and I was still mad at the OLD one, as if it that were the NEW one's fault.

Ridiculous.

But last night, the Bachelor was filled with such cattiness that all of us watching shrieked and clawed and growled our way through the episode wishing to goodness we could scratch a couple of their eyes out. (The Bachelor tends to bring out the worst in us, I can't lie.)

Last night's episode of the Bachelor was filled with so much 30th Birthday that it would make any man in America run for the hills. But not our Bachelor. Bless his heart, he must have signed some kind of contract that legally ties him to the crazies whether he likes it or not. At some point he has had to find himself sitting across from a producer saying, "Please, can I let her go? I've woken up the past two nights to find her staring at me with a pair of scissors."

30th Birthday spent the entire episode telling him what is wrong with the other ladies in the house - and what is right with her. He doesn't need that! I'm sure he can hear all of us screaming at the television, "Her boobs are fake! Send her home!" Or "Everyone she knows is dead.....let her staaaayyyy!!"

But Brad, in his usual Brad fashion, kept 30th Birthday around one more week and let I-don't-have-a-petite-behind go home; which was only a matter of time - good Lord, watching them on a date was like watching two strangers on a subway try to kindle a romance, only way more awkward.

He also kept around her-daddy-owns-a-car-lot, which I'm suspecting is going to stay around for a while given her penchant for sauntering around in his shirt, telling him she loves him and proclaiming that every day with him is sweeter than the day before.

And then there's sweet Emily, who we all decided is most certainly invited to come and watch next seasons Bachelor with us if she promises to gain a lot of weight, complain that her joints hurt whenever the weather changes, and let her roots grow out a little bit; because all of her perfection is starting to rub us the wrong way.

And I didn't mean that catty in the least.

Meow.