It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Turns Us In.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't tell you all Remi stories, because a.) you'll be just like all my family who just laughs and laughs and says things like, "Oh that Remi, she is an original" or b.) you will have us turned in to the authorities.

Either way I'm telling this one because maybe - just maybe - you will start to recognize my pain and perhaps instill me with some wisdom that, up to this point, God is withholding from me out of the pure-de joy He finds in my suffering. (You may find it sacrilegious to write things like that, I disagree. Even while typing those words I could hear Him laughing. Its true.)


So, before we go any further, let's go ahead and do those things that good Christians do before they talk bad about someone. Or at least good Christians in the South do this, good Northern Christians seem much more sure about themselves in these situations. So here we go:


*All of the following statements are true. Please don't take them out of context as they were not written that way.


1. The Attorney General and I love "brown people." We have many friends who are brown.

2. The AG and I believe that most brown people are funnier than us and can, without question, keep a better beat.

3. The AG and I are friends with several brown families that we serve alongside at our church, love with all our heart, and would trade their kids for our kids in a heartbeat.

4. We have some of the best neighbors in the world. They are brown.

5. The AG and I were not raised to believe in separation, racism, favorites or I'm-better-than-you philosophies in any way.

6. The AG and I hope that we are teaching our kids the same. Though we can't be sure.


Last night as the AG was working a lady he works with walked in to his office and said, "You won't believe the text I just got." Without hesitation the AG threw his hand on his forehead and said, "Nooooooooooooooooo.....its Remi, isn't it?"

We've learned to always know the answer is "yes."

Because you see, the lady the AG works with is the mother of Remi's dance teacher. The AG knew Remi was at dance class and, well, the mans not an idiot.

"My daughter just asked Remi who her best friend at school was. And Remi replied, 'I love allllllll the brown kids because I love me some chocolate.'"

Y'all.

Seriously.

Our teaching moment came later that evening when Remi got home from dance class. Lick the dining room table, Remi. Does it taste like chocolate?
Lick your jacket, Remi. Does it taste like chocolate?
Lick daddy's arm, Remi. Does it taste like vanilla?
Lick your brother's hand, Remi. Does it taste like vanilla?

Our point (and believe it or not, we did have one) was to show Remi that just because you are brown doesn't make you chocolate. But she firmly believes that she loves chocolate and she loves brown people and only God could have been so creative as to give them such a wonderful color. I kind of agree.

But her reasoning is so completely politically incorrect in the year 2011 that I'm afraid we are going to be turned in to the authorities, thrown in some kind of Parental Prison for Imbeciles and made to live out our days licking grey steel bars and repeating, "No sir, these do not taste like hamburger."

She means well. We think.