"IT IS ALIIIIIIIIIIVE"

Remember the last time you read about a celebrity death, only to find out three days later it was just a hoax?

Britney and Justin apparently were killed in a car crash in 2001.

Paris Hilton supposedly died while in jail in 2007.

Micheal Jackson died.....well, that one ends kinda sad.

But see? Just like the timeless graces of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton - I HAVE ARISEN!!!

I am not dead. It was all just a joke. I didn't pack up my blog and forget Blogger ever existed. I didn't throw my computer out the window over the holidays. And I didn't die in jail. I've been here, all along. I've just been really really really really lazy.

So let's do a little catching up, shall we?

I'll go first.

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My health is fine. However, I seem to be aging quite aggressively and am finding that there are some things breaking down on me that were in fighting shape just a few short years ago. (Oh, who am I kidding? I wasn't in "fighting shape" even in junior high.) Namely, my lower back. What is up with that? My birthday was on December 1st and by 10am that morning my lower back had completely retired and bought a condo in Florida. All I remember was I woke up to the Happy Birthday song and 45 minutes later while putting a bow in my daughters hair, my back went out. I wasn't making the bow, mind you. I was just slipping it in her hair. And that my lovelies, is called ageing.

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The Attorney General is in "fighting shape." No really, I can say that about him because he actually is. It both turns me on and disgusts' me at the same time. He has already typed up his set of goals for 2011 and printed them out so that he can look at them every morning and start the day with an enduring promise to himself to cross them off his list thereby giving himself a drive to accomplish those goals and a pride in doing so.(There are moments when I am stunned - purely stunned - that we are still married.)

The AG did good, reeeeaaaalll good, on his Christmas gift-giving this year. I like to think it is because it was the first year I actually typed up a Christmas Wish list and turned it in to him IN OCTOBER! (This stems from the Christmas debacle of 2006 when he waited until the night before Christmas to "go run some errands" and then I opened up what can only be described as a "pancho" on Christmas morning. Oh, it was horrible. So amazingly horrible.) So this year I wrote down what I wanted and he stuck to the list. Except for one thing: one very special, amazingly wonderful, totally shocking gift that he gave to me that made my Christmas one of the best. Ever. Unfortunately, it warrants a post all its on and shall be shared with you all later in the week.

Oh, and he bought me a Barry Manilow CD. I'm a FANILOW!!

~~~

My sweet Rocco is growing up, but just like I can tell when the weather is about to change thanks to my knees and lower back, I can also tell that the "terrible two's" are about to make a landing in my zip code. He is getting a little bossy and isn't' afraid to climb things, throw things or call me a "bonehead" at any given moment. He got a drum set for Christmas and although I was initially against it, I began to feel like they might be a healthy distraction from his increasing interest in "oobies." He is his fathers son.

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And then there's Remi. Or as the AG now refers to her, Deniece the Menace. Or as our Children's Pastor at church calls her, Ramona Quimby. She hasn't slowed down one bit in the last three years and so to all of you who once wrote to me and told me sweet things like, "She'll grow out of it. She'll mature. She is just strong-willed, be persistent!" To you, I say, LIARS!!!!

She is sassy and beautiful and should really have a blog dedicated entirely to her. She has run off every babysitter that we've had, aside from family (though I will admit, we are really only down to two family members at this point who still have the energy.) And she has no filter at all. Last week my parents had a sweet family in our church come by for a late Christmas visit; they are some sweet friends of ours who just happen to be African American. Though I'm sure they know what their skin color is it doesn't hurt to have Remi run in the room, point to each of them one at a time and say, "You're brown - you're brown - you're brown - and you're brown. But that's okay because I looooooove chocolate!"

She makes me tired just typing about her.

~~~

If you've read my blog for any amount of time then you know The Bachelor comes on tonight and I am more than a little excited about it. The last time this series came on it was The Bachelorette with Ali and I had trouble giving my re-caps each week, and now I know why! She was in love with Roberto the whole time and it stunk!! So I'm hoping the return of Brad Womack gives us a little more spice to work with. But even if he doesn't a house full of women never disappoint. So check back here tomorrow for my Bachelor re-cap. And then check back on Wednesday when I try to make up for all the shallowness that Tuesday will bring by discussing the last book of Revelation. Fun? No?

~~~

I'm really sorry I've been away for so long. The Lord really convicted me about it and how so many of you find it hard to start your day without hearing what it is I have to say. Oh wait, I got that backward. The Lord was convicting me on how much crap I eat. That's what it was! My bad.

Anyway, I'm glad your still here reading this and I'm glad God has been faithful to me to allow me to still write down my musings on marriage and thoughts on friendship, my fears on motherhood and my battle with weight, my lack of motivation and my desire to change. And I'm glad you all are along for the ride. I've missed you!

Now.............you're turn!