Helloooooooooo Austin! (Bachelor Recap)

Let me start by saying that if you were to accept the Lord into your heart while reading this post - if your marriage were to be refreshed and changed - or if your misbehaving children were to wander into your bedroom with musings of regret and humility - then it was all because of the words I will have written here.

So prepare yourselves....this is gonna be deep!

Last night was episode one of The Bachelor, season 114. Perhaps you are one of the few who do not watch The Bachelor, or perhaps you are a male, but I find the Bachelor to be a lot like....Chinese takeout on Friday nights....Mary Higgins Clark novels.....any and all Hair magazines.....and the soundtrack to Miss Congeniality.......A GUILTY PLEASURE.

Should I be watching it? Maybe not.
Do I want a bunch of people to know I'm watching it? Heck no.
Do I enjoy every little second of it? Uh, yep.

And this season is going to prove be a good one, I just gotta feelin'. So even if you aren't a watcher of this particular show feel free to read my recaps as they are both enlightening and stunning in their wordplay - and chances are you'll feel just like you watched it.

This season finds us with Brad Womack. I did not watch the season three years ago that Brad starred on, so I do not have any preconceived ideas about Brad nor do I despise him like so many others.

Quite the contrary..............................me likey.

Brad oozes Texas charisma. He makes me hungry for barbecue just listenin' to him. And three times during the show I broke out into "Ocean Front Property." The man can't help it! But I also think he kinda reminds me of The AG a little; with his rugged good looks and those lines on his face that say "I've been thinking so hard about how to make myself less attractive but I can't think of any way to stop it and I made a million dollars just sittin' here stewin' on it." (That's what I imagine the AG sits around and does all day. Only I've yet to see the financial proof of it.)

So I'm not mad at Brad. In fact, I'm intrigued by his honesty and seeming humility. The man didn't have to come back on here! So if he closed himself off for three years and had to seek therapy why do that to yourself again if you don't really mean it? Sheesh.

Of course that is what I'm saying now. Check back with me in four weeks when I'm like, "Fool! You shoulda stayed home! Fool!" I tend to get overly involved.

So then there were the women.

Seriously? You expect me to believe that the producers and casting agents of this show have the mans best interest at heart when they allow a girl with FANGS on the show? Seriously?

For those of you who just read that sentence and don't watch - please don't disregard this show immediately. For your information they also have real life women:
- Like the one who has such a square, manly jawline I thought it was a Rubix cube.
- Or the one who said she didn't have "a petite behind," and was right.
- Or the girl who looked deadpan into the camera and said "I don't know why he didn't pick me, I have a fantastic personality." Deadpan. Dead. Pan.

But there were others that we need to pay attention to - and for good reason. Oh yes, sir. Children's Hospital Event Planner anyone? Anyone?

And then, of course, just like every horror movie has a girl who runs screaming with no pants on - and every teen angst drama has that one nerd who ends up the high school heartthrob - there was the one girl who started off the night by saying: "I didn't come here to make friends with a bunch of women."

Cue drama.

Insert water works.

Terrifying orchestral music hits its high-point, and....

Here we go.

Let the season begin!