Circus Freak.

Good Lord.

Ya know what I want? I want to send my children to a school that does nothing. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. I want my kids to go, learn, come home.

I don't want them going to a Planetarium or something cool like that because then I have to go and drive or Remi will malfunction and dry heave.

I don't want them to have a sock-hop during the year because then I will have to buy an adorable sock-hop outfit and a bow that is 12x larger than anyone elses.

I don't want them going to farm or a farmer's market because I already know about vegetables and they don't eat them.

See how good schools are inconvenient for me?

But the school we send Remi to (and will soon send the Rockstar) happens to be a good one. A really good one. Sock-hops, Breakfasts' with Santa, Planetariums and all.

But now they have gone too far. Too far. Now they are planning something that will require me - ME - to be crafty or ingenious or both at the same time and I don't have it in me. I just don't. So I am calling on those of you who know a little something about glue guns and sequins to help a girl out.

In three weeks Remi will be involved in a circus. Oh, yeah, you read that right. And because the office probably thought it would be funny to see my face when they sent home this paper, they sent us home with a sheet where we had to go ahead and sign up what it was our child was going to be. AHEAD OF TIME!! I don't know what she's going to be. I have to go home and check Amazon.com and see what I can buy before I can tell you that. But nooooo, they wouldn't hear of it. Had to sign her up for something right then. So Remi is going to be a lion or a lion tamer.

And before you think, "Melissa, there are a million lion costumes that you can just purchase," you would be right. But I'm thinking there are going to be half a dozen other kids in lion costumes, most will be boys, so I'd prefer she be a lion tamer. Besides, lion tamers normally wear stuff with sequins or bling of some sort and I'm all about that. But that's where my creativity ends. I know I want bling. Done.

See how short-sighted I am?

So please help me. I could really use some ideas. But mainly I could use someone saying the Lord woke them up in the middle of the night and told them exactly how to sketch out a pattern for my little lion tamer and the outfit is in the mail.

But if that doesn't happen, ideas would be appreciated.

Think bling. GO!