While I've Been Away...

Hello, my name is Melissa. I used to have a blog.

Ya know how I'm feeling? I'm feeling like that kid in the 4th grade class who missed three weeks of school due to Scarlet Fever, he comes back to school having lost 30 pounds and the teacher says, "Wow, Tommy - you have had perfect attendance this year."

I've been gone, people! Hasn't anyone missed me?

I mean I know I'm not Bryan Williams reporting the top news stories of the day, and I know the most important things I post are what my children are up to and horror stories from the bathroom - but for pete's sake, a girl likes to know she's missed.

You can thank DELL for my absence. I don't know, maybe you can thank me, maybe I downloaded a virus, but I don't think so. I think it's them. I always think it's them. Passing blame is kinda "my thang."

So I've been without a computer for over a week and find the only times I can post anything to my blog is when I go to my mother's. But then I have to contend with her filling my ear with things like, "Did I tell you your aunt Ruth went missing for three weeks? They found her in the lingerie department at Weiners, sobbing." Or my all time favorite, "You need to take better care of yourself and try to shed some of that water weight. I'm afraid we're going to lose you in the pool."

You can see why I've chosen to just NOT post.

But I'm here today because I have sooooo many things to say. Okay, that's a lie. In all honesty, I got nothing. I would tell you about my Mother's Day but it was NOT filled with me, alone, in a spa, or on a beach, 12 hours away from my children...so it wasn't all it could have been. But it was nice nonetheless. I got a cookbook on how to make "comfort foods" in under 350 calories. Think my family is trying to tell me something?

Oh, there was the parent / teacher conference I had with Remi's 3K teacher this past week. I cried the whole way through it. And she's only in 3K. And I love her teacher, mind you. Love. Her. But her and I decided we'd like to give that Dr. Dobson a piece of our mind by saying "Hey, you, meet Remi Hope and THEN re-write The Strong Willed Child. We dare you." We're not sure he's man enough.

Or there's the story I could tell you about how the women in my family had an intervention with me the other day about my need to buy a new bra. One of them actually told me her brand new car didn't have headlights as big as mine. I hate them. And yet I keep inviting them over. It's a sickness, really.

So that's how its been going for me. What about you all? I've missed you. And no, I haven't had Scarlet Fever and no I haven't lost 30 pounds - don't get your hopes up.