Letterman Would Be Proud.

Top 10 Signs Your Mother Has A New i phone.

10. Her friends are now contacting you because they suddenly can't reach her on her phone. In the one week she's had it you have made her two lunch appointments and a dental cleaning.

9. She carries it around the house staring at it like its kryptonite.

8. She says she is learning to "do that new thing everyone is doing. You know that thing people talk about. Sexting." She means texting.

7. When you ask her to text you she replies with "only if you text me first."

6. She accidentally assigned a doorbell as her ring tone.

She walked to the front door 12 times the first day.

5. She then assigned a motorcycle starting up as her next ring tone. She didn't answer her phone for a week and thought her neighbors had bought a bike.

4. She said that no one ever calls her she doesn't even know why she needs a phone. When you check her phone she has 27 missed calls.

3. She shows you the pictures she took on her new phone. She is so proud. They look like she was taking pictures of a blood vessel; you can't make out any of them and she's says there all of her grandkids.

2. She bought one in purple because she "just bought a new pair of hoochie shoes that it will match perfectly."

1. The last conversation you had went like this:

"How do I just lay this thing down?"

"You mean turn it off?"

"No, I mean lay it down. What side do I lay it down on?"