A Tale of Two Stories.

So this Gustav thing really puts a bit of "frantic" in the air.
Want an example? Okay, here goes.


So Saturday night we get the bright idea to go to the grocery store because we MUST stock up on water. MUST. Cannot wait to get water. MUST get water now. A hurricane is'a comin' and we gotta get our share. GOTTA GET WATER!


So I went in to get some water for my parents.


And some Blue Bell might have accidentally fallen into the cart. Accidentally, of course.


Because if a hurricane is'a comin' and we lose power then at least we will have water and Blue Bell to drink. And on that, my lovelies, I can survive.


Oh, and some Big Sexy Hairspray. I did pick that up, too. But that was only in case Matt Lauer made an appearance and needed to talk to someone dignified, who had a touch of class, nice hair and all of their teeth.


Okay back to my story. I am in the check-out line (which was Express and I was over the amount allowed. Yes, I am that woman) when I hear someone behind me whisper my name.

The rest shall be told in two varied accounts. You be the judge.

Story #1:

"Melissa? Melissa Lee?"


(Oh man, this is soooo one of my old high school teachers probably wanting to know how I'm doing and if I ever made anything of myself. And considering I may or may not be wearing a bra I'm pretty sure the evidence speaks for itself.) I do not turn around.


"Melissa


(Man, they are persistent. Must be Mrs. Harrison - 9th grade - Algebra) I turn, "Yes?"


"Hi. It's me...KM." *Let it be said for the record her name was actually longer than KM but she may not want to be named on my blog...seriously, would you?....so I'm keepin' it legal.


(For pete's sake. I went to high school with her and have no idea who she is.) "I'm sorry. I'm trying to remember."


"Oh no, we didn't go to school together. I'm KM.I read your blog all the time. I post as ___."


"OH HI!!!! Wow, a blog friend. How in the world did you recognize me?"


"Well, you look like your picture..."


"I do? Cause I'm trying to do something different with my hair..."


"Well, yeah, except that your hair has grown out. But I knew you were gonna be in Lufkin this week so I was wondering if I might see you somewhere."


(I'm hoping to God at this point she's stalking me. You all know I have been praying for one of those for years now.) "Oh my gosh - well, I can't believe you are seeing me like this. Listen, KM, if you ever leave a comment saying anything other than 'Man, that Melissa is a stunner,' you shall be banned forever."


Appropriate amounts of laughter ensued.

The end.

Well, I'm not saying it was entirely the end - we talked a lot more than that, but I can't post every dot and tittle - youknowwhatI'msaying?

Story #2:

"Melissa? Melissa Lee?"

(Dear Lord, how do people find me? Can I seriously not go out of the house anymore and NOT be recognized. Even when I try to disguise myself by putting on extra weight and placing fake acne on my face. Still.) I don't turn around.

"Melissa?"

(Okay, this is persistence at it's best right here. Fine. I'll give them a picture and send them on their merry way.) I turn around and act all stunned that I heard someone say my name.

"Hi, it's me...KM."

(Hmmm...I couldn't have possibly gone to high school with her she looks way older than my 24 years. Bless her heart.) "I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember..."

"Oh, no, silly, we didn't go to school together.I just read your blog every day. In fact, I was recently voted president of the Melissa Lee Fan Club. I'm your biggest fan! I always leave comments as Meliscious is Delicious. Can you sign my t-shirt?"

"Oh...yawn...how wonderful - another blog stalker. Oh no, I'm not used to that at all." Laugh, laugh. Kiss, kiss. "So how in the word did you recognize me?"

"Well, it wasn't easy. You don't look anything like your picture."

"Oh, I know. That's a picture that I found online. It's of a very lonely girl. Sad isn't it?"

"Oh, and your hair. Where do you get it done?"

"Monte Carlo."

"I see you buy your products here at the grocery store though...Big Sexy."

"Uh, that's for my mom. Bless her heart."

"Oh, well. I had read you were gonna be in Lufkin this week and I have literally gone everywhere trying to track you down. I mean EVERYWHERE. Everywhere I thought you might go...I went to the Mexican restaurant 13 times, the Barbecue restaurant 4 times and the movie theatre 6 times. And Ross."

"Wow, that might be considered stalking? Right? Right?"

"Well, I wasn't trying to stalk you..."

"Sure you where. Moving on."

"Well, it was really great to meet you."

"I know."

"And I can't wait to tell the other bloggers..."

"Listen KM, if you leave a comment don't tell them you saw me out in these hip new jeans and stilettos. Okay? I want to be perceived as a normal girl."

"Oh, I won't. Believe me. Especially since you're wearing flip-flops and sweat pants...with ketchup on them."

"Alright, that's enough from you. Off you go."

The end.

Now folks, I don't mean to brag. Honestly, I don't. That's just not me. But neither is exaggerating a story just to make it more interesting. So knowing all that - which story do you think is true?

No wait. I take that back. Which story do you think is more interesting? Let's go with that question.

By the way...* the following was true and not a paid advertisement. And thanks to my sweet new friend, KM, who does exist, is real and was both precious and beautiful - and didn't look a day over her God-given age. (Though she is wildy older than me.)

I'm just sayin'...