It's a Sprint Mogul. I, However, Am Not.

Hey y'all, look! This is my new phone.

Isn't it fancy?

I love it.

Okay, love is a strong word. But I do like it. A lot. I suppose I could use the word love if there were just a few tweaks that I could figure out.

For instance...

I would like to be able to dial a phone number on it. But unfortunately the numbers are so little that I had to pull my car over just to type in seven numbers. And even then I had to type them in using the little magic pen that comes with it because apparently your fingers have to be the size of a 4 month old, and, well, mine aren't.

I would like to be able to answer a call when it comes in. This would be handy, I'm not gonna lie. Not that I have important phone calls coming in every minute of the day - but I would like to be able to answer it should my cousin Meridith call with the all important information of what goes in to making Super Cheesy Garlic Bread. (Other than the obvious, of course.)

Texting would be nice. I had finally figured out how to text on my old phone. But on this new super-hero phone? Nyet. I thought I had finally figured it out the other day and sent a "test text" to the AG. But instead of opening up a text message he opened up a voice recording and heard me saying, "Stupid phone. I oughta throw you out the...Remi, do not take your diaper off again. Remi, DO NOT! Remi! Okay, I guess it's fine to leave it off for a few minutes. A girls gotta have some freedom."

Receiving texts? Forget it. Meridith texted me the key ingredient to Super Cheesy Garlic Bread and I didn't get it. MAYO! Do you have any idea how important a text is with just the word "Mayo" on it? The world would be a lot sweeter place if we all received text messages that simply said - Mayo. At least mine was. But alas, it is not to be.

And then lastly...

I would like to be able to turn it on. And off. I mean, I know it goes on and off, because at the start of every day I say, "Honey, can you turn my phone on?" and at the end of every day I say, "Honey, can you turn my phone off?" And he does. But he's a brainiac and he knows lots of useless knowledge - like how to turn things on and off. Nerd.

By the way, if anyone out there knows how to do this next task I would really like some help: I have a message that someone special left me on my phone. I would like to share it with all of you.

But. I. Don't. Know. How.
Shocker, huh?

Anyone know how to take a voice recording and transfer it to my computer so that I can upload it, embarrass her to death, yet provide unlimited enjoyment for all of you? Anyone? Anyone?

There may be something wonderful in it for you if you can walk me through it.
I doubt it.
But there might be.
Okay, there's not.
But still...

Only you'll have to email me your instructions cuz I still don't know how to check my voicemail. Unless the AG is home. And he presses the buttons. Nerd.