Spank That Itch!

I have an itch I can't scratch.

No, I'm not kidding. I, literally, have an itch I can't scratch.

What the heck do I do??

I went swimming at Miss Cindy's pool the other day and got stung THREE times by the same bee.

I know that sounds unbelievable. And since I seem to be a bit notorious for, oh, what is it called, ah yes, exaggerating, you probably think you can't believe me. But you can. I swear.

After all, I don't exagerate near as much as Hannah. Good grief! She told me the other day that she had gotten stung by a jellyfish TWELVE times on her stomach in the 20 minutes that she had been in the ocean. TWELVE?? What a fibber. I am soooooo not that bad.

Of course, she's 10. So this might be completely inappropriate - me squaring off against a 10 year old and all.

But that stinkin' bee got me when my defenses were down. I had Remi in the pool. And let's be honest, I would rather try and hold up an overweight marching band than try to tame that wee thing. She's a pistol. And that bee knew it. So he caught me with my hands full.

And before I knew it I felt three separate attacks from the same stinkin' bee.

So that night my left shoulder blade begins to itch. And itch. And itch. And itch.

Did you knew bee stings itch? I did not.

Now, I'm out to dinner with four other couples. It was a going away dinner for one of the couples at a nice Japanese restaurant. Later we went for dessert and had deep fried Oreo's. Okay, not the point.

And I'm itching horribly and so I ask my friend Kelli, who shall remain nameless, Kelli, to scratch my back, Kelli, for me, and she, Kelli, says,
"Well, babe. I don't see anything."
"Okay, but I got stung today and I really need you to scratch on my left shoulder blade."
"But I don't see anything..."
"Just scratch and I'll tell you where..."
"Okay..."
"Up, up, no down, now to the left, to the left, up, up, right there. Right there."
"But I don't see anything."

Is it just me or is the person doing the scratching not required to see anything? I wasn't asking her to describe it - I was asking her to scratch it.

And lo and behold, if on the way home from dinner I didn't say to the AG...
"Babe, can you scratch my shoulder it's really itching."
"I don't see anything."

Uhhhh.

The worst part came when I woke up all. night. long. with this incessant itching. And I can't reach it. It's terrible. I considered waking the AG up, but he was sleeping so hard. And so I didn't because, well, I'm just really good like that.

But also I had just woken him up at like 3AM a few nights before to ask him if he had the taste of tuna in his mouth. (He didn't. But he didn't have to be rude about it.)

And then there was the infamous night that I woke him up to ask him, "What was that song Rick Astley sang when we were in high school?" And he actually awoke from a deep sleep and said, "Never gonna give you up - never gonna let you down - never gonna run around and desert you."

I thought that was amazing. Out of a dead sleep!! Do you know how hard that is? But he was furious because he was up till 5:30 hearing it in his head, he said. But who knows. He exagerates.

So instead of waking the dead I decide to go get Remi's Spanking Spoon. (Yeah, you heard me right.) Apply some Hydrocortisone cream to the end of it and massage gently.

But when I looked in the mirror...you guessed it...I couldn't see anything.

Of course this morning those three bites were lit up like a Christmas tree. Big and red and ugly. Man, I love showing off my boo-boo's. Remi gets it honest. But what in the world do you do if you have a scratch you can't itch? Suggestions anyone?

All of a sudden it sounds like we are getting into something deep and philosophical, doesn't it...an itch you can't scratch...but let's don't do that. I don't want to ruin my reputation for being shallow and flighty. I have a rep to protect.

Okay, I have to go. I am currently scratching my back with Remi's Spanking Spoon and she just spotted me. Her eyes got huge and she said, "Ohhhhhh...mommy, don't spank you."

"Hey Remi. To the left. Now up. Up. Up a little more. C'mon Remi. Get serious about this."

It's a Watercooler Carnival!

It's Watercooler Wednesday, my lovelies.

Oh, what is that? You ask.

Yeah...I have no idea.

I think it's also referred to as a "blog carnival."

What's that? You inquire.

Not a clue. Not even one.

But I'm doing it.

"I'M OUT THERE JERRY AND I'M LOVIN' EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!"

Okay, let's get serious for a moment. I have a lot of blog knowledge...hey, no laughing in the back. I heard that!...that I want to share with you. It's important that you know these kinds of things. So gather 'round my children and I will let you drink from my well.

Watercooler Wednesdays is a blog carnival that goes on every Wednesday over at Randy Elrod's site. So, it's kinda like your hanging out at Randy Elrod's place. Which could be good or bad. Depends on whether he's got TiVo. Which is how I base almost everything.

You simply sign up on his page as to what you'll be writing about and, well, it leads others to your site. It's about reaching out, meeting others, fellowshipping. Really it's what the New Testament church is all about. So Randy Elrod, then, is kinda like the Apostle Paul. Only I imagine Randy to be more hygienic, not as short, and not wearing an incessant smirk on his face. Which is nothing against the Apostle Paul - but he didn't have TiVo and that can lead to some pretty grim fastidiousness and all around sour attitude.

Then when people click on your link it shoots them directly to your site - where you had better have written something to do with Arts or Culture or Entertainment or anything you might consider a "watercooler topic." Which could be just about anything. I mean, have you ever actually stood at a watercooler and talked? I haven't because I prefer the tables in the breakroom. But once, at a bank, I actually saw some people standing next to a watercooler and discussing. But they were discussing Melrose Place and I couldn't join in because my mom would never let me watch it. Or Dirty Dancing. I still have never seen that movie.

And see?? We're talking culture right now, my lovelies. It's happening right before your very eyes.

And I thought I was going to have to discuss gas prices. (Which would have sounded something like this.....Wow. Have ya'll see those gas prices? And scene.)

Or that man on the news who sells lightening bugs as a way to preserve energy. (Which would have sounded something like this....Wow. Did ya'll see that old guy on the news who sells lightening bugs? And scene.)

But I didn't have to because I slipped in several cultural effervments. (That's not a word...please don't look it up...it's not a word...I was just trying something.) I slipped in that line from Kramer on Seinfeld. And then that whole Melrose Place thing came out of nowhere, right? And what about Dirty Dancing? That has to get some of you Swayze fans up in arms, right? In fact, I bet I can slip something else culturally relevant in before we even end this post. Wanna bet?

Man. I am watercooling all over the place.

But the truth is Watercooler Wednesdays are just plain good for ya. They help you meet new people. Really get your blog out there. Make a name for yourself, ya know? Which is so important in this day and age. Because the world around is ever changing and ...

Oh, I have to go. King of Queens just came on and it's the one where he wants to eat a big sandwich.

See? See how I did that?

Whisper This.

I think a child is old enough to fix their own sippy cup of milk when they look at you and say, "Go fix sippy cup." And when you walk out of the room to do so, they add, "WITH MILK!"

I think we've created a monster.

But have you ever seen a monster in a big pink bow? Aaaaaaaaadorable.

Guess who I saw on the Today Show, yesterday? Nope. Not Tom Cruise. Nuh-uh. Not Angelina's twins. No way Jose'. Not the New Kids on the Block reunion concert. I saw The Potty Whisperer.

She is real, people. And she is weird.

Well, I shouldn't say that. I don't know her. I just entertain the notion that things that are beyond my comprehension (or let's get honest - too hard for me to do) are just weird. Maybe they're not at all, but I call them that. Because it makes me feel better. And bigger.

For instance, if I see someone roller blading...I say, "that's weird." Because I've tried it and can't do it. And so it makes me feel better to call them names.

Or if I see someone forgoing dessert, I might say, "Okay, that is just weird." Because that is a task entirely too difficult for me - so I make fun of it.

Get the gist?

Or let's say I see one of my friends, uh, I don't know, let's say, making bread. I would say, "Okay, we can't hang out any more cuz that's just weird." Again, maybe they're not weird. But making bread is. Because I can't do it. I've tried. I even bought a bread machine. Still can't. (Bread machine will be on sale this weekend at garage sale. Stop by.)

So I think this Potty Whisperer is weird. Mainly because she can get small children to do what I can't even get my child to say. She can get them to sit on the potty, I can't even get her to say "potty." She is so abject to the notion of the potty that yesterday I had to go to the potty myself and she stood in front of the door begging me, "Momma don't go in there. Please momma. Don't go near potty."

Also she's weird because she let someone come up with the name The Potty Whisperer for her, and never once said to them, "Hey dude, between you and me, don't call me that again. Okay? It's weird. I mean, Robert Redford made a movie about a horse whisperer and even that didn't do so good. So the chances of me pulling off what even Hubbell Gardner couldn't pull off, is just insane." But no. She stuck with it.

That's just weird.

She believes that if a child pees or poos in their pants/on the floor then they are responsible for cleaning it up. Duh! We know this P.W., that's why we brought our child to you. Because every time we turn our back they poo on the floor and then consider it art. Why do I have to pay you to get them to do what they love to do at home, for free? (The question is, does she sing to them? Because Remi won't clean up anything unless I sing to her the whole time. Who knows.)

So I believe this to be $250 worth of weird.

I think another thing that's weird is that when you enroll your child in her class and they succeed they get to wear t-shirts that say "Booty Camp" on them. And all I'm saying about that is that I find it weird when people use a play on words but it turns out cheezy. Like "Booty Camp" or a man I saw wearing a shirt with a chicken on it that said, "I don't use fowl words."

See? That's weird.

If you were to go to one of the maaaannnnnyy baby whisperer websites, you would see that their proven philosophies are: No punishment, no pressure, no coercion, no shaming. And yet, here are mine: No sitting on mommy's white carpet, no laying on mommy's comforter, no sitting on mommy's lap, no more bathtub time with mommy.

Now I ask you...what is weirder? I mean, if you can't coerce or shame a small child into using the potty then where in the world does that leave us? My mom raised me on 8 pound bags of M&M's and feelings of inferiority. And look how I turned out!

It also states not to use "obsessing" or "perfectionism." What? That's just weird. I have obsessed about being perfect for the last 34 years and lady, that's a whole lotta work. Try that at your booty camp.

One website refers to a child from 6-24 months as a "late starter." (Uh....thankfully Remi is just now 24 months because if I had a child that was 26 months and not yet potty-trained, well, I don't mean to embarrass anyone, but I would be so ashamed I wouldn't even leave the house.) I mean seriously, as parents, how embarrassing to have to look at your 8 month old and be like, "What is wrong with you? Why won't you do this? Why aren't you like all the other babies in....India."

See? Weird.

Of course Al Roker swears it worked on one of his kids. And he's the Weather Whisperer. So what do I know? I'm just the Blog Whisperer.

The Lady Worship Leader: I know one of each. Honestly

Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
Go here and read all about The Lady Worship Leader.
I'm lovin' it!!

Okay, ladies, place your bets.
I am...

My White, Sandy, Mission Field.

This is the shabby little place we had to stay in last week. It was really difficult. Because the place was huge. And roomy. And had marble floors. And was extremely nice. Oh, and did I not mention? Was absolutely free.

This was the man I had to spend my week with. Which was really hard because he is so cute. And funny. And highly intelligent. And has the ability to sue people on command. Oh...and did I mention there was a bar in the pool so he had to buy me, like, 18 Cokes in a row? And he never complained.

This was the view I unfortunately had to wake up to every morning. But if it makes you feel any better I had to see it every morning at like, 5:45AM because someone continued to wake up earlier and earlier every morning because they were so excited. And because they're diaper was soaked. And that was just the AG.

These were the kiddos that followed us around all week. We still aren't sure who they belong to. But we fed them and gave them drink since they continued to follow us around asking for it. In fact, we put them down for naps and even sprayed them with SPF50 since it was apparent someone had to do it. Lazy parents...they were probably snoozing by the surf. I know I would have been had these rugrats not kept calling me "mama."

This is the couple we went with. They mean nothing to us. He certainly hasn't been my husband's best friend for 12 years. They certainly haven't laughed with us. Cried with us. Been broke with us. See? They mean nothing! Actually he means a great deal to us. She however, looks adorable in a bathing suit. So I'm still praying about whether this friendship is gonna work out.

You Asked. Now You Shall Recieve.

For starters, I have been at the beach this week. Yep, this is the fourth leg of my WORLDWIDE BEACH TOUR! As the Attorney General likes to call it - because he's jealous. And sick of doling out the dough.

We have been here with our friends Ronnie and Leslie Freeman and their three kiddos and my little kiddo and my little sister who is 11 and also a kiddo. So, yeah...it's been...fun?

Actually it's been beautiful and fun and sunny and white sandy and really really wonderful being with our friends. And their kiddos. But mostly our friends.

But I tell you all mainly to say - ain't I grand??

I mean, you got posts every day because I am committed to you, my lovelies. So I posted ahead of time. Mainly because I'm smart. But also because I'm smart.

Yeah, I said that twice. I meant it twice.

So today's edition is the You Ask: I Answer edition which appears on Fridays on your local blog TV. It shall forevermore and heretofore be known as "You Asked. Now You Shall Receive." This is because I asked for suggestions for titles and I received this exact title in various forms three different times. So I figured that was my sign. I'm not trying to be all sacrilegious with it, or anything, make no mistake. I know I'm not God. I'm just a girl who likes to blog......and dole out unsolicited advice without anyone ever asking for it.

So without further ado:

Loud and Lively LeighAnn asks: How did you and the AG meet?

How the AG and I met is anything but exciting. But how the AG and I "got together" is a different story. The AG is a great singer. Okay, he's a great blender. He doesn't want me to refer to him as a singer. Fine. (Can you tell he's sitting here beside me?) Anyhoo, we were in a singing group together in college - called, are you ready for this? The Harvesters!! (Insert laughter here) But it was 1992 people so give me a break - and we traveled during the year ministering in churches together. He sat right in front of me on the bus every single weekend and although he says he got sick of me sticking my stinky feet between the seats when I would sleep (And despite the fact that she snored when she slept, snorted when she laughed, and her face was peeling from Acutane...the AG) we developed a ridiculously fun friendship. Before long I was out to fix him up with the perfect girl. And so we spent months going out with each other's friends - never really "seeing" each other. I never looked at him as anything but my new best friend. And he saw me the same way.

But then something happened that has been legend in every Bible Study we've ever taught to young married couples. And there have been mannnyyyy of those. And it's still a hoot to this day? Want to hear it? Good. Come back. It's for another day.

I'm not being mean. I just don't want to go in to it now because it's long. And because someone keeps running into my room without any underwear on. (Don't worry, she's mine.) And because someday I will inevitably say "man, I have nothing to blog about today." And then I will remember lively LeighAnn with her million dollar question and we will be off to the races.

So stay tuned. It's a great story for every fat girl out there who just wants to fall in love and get back at a cheerleader, all at the same time. Truly - it's got it all. It's an ABC Family Original Movie. I kid you not.

Sassy Sharon wants to know: Having lived in East Texas and Tennessee which do you prefer and do you think you'll ever move back to Texas?

Okay, I'm a Texas girl. I always have been. I always will be. I have lived in TN going on 13 years now and I am still an East Texas girl. I believe BBQ and fajitas will be served in heaven. And they will taste just like they do in Texas. Heavenly.

But that being said - I'm in Tennessee now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love it. I really do. I really love the area of Tennessee I live in. And as far as beauty goes - Tennessee beats Texas, hands down. It really is a lovely state. One of my friends says it looks like the Hidden Valley Ranch commercials and she's right. The state is beautiful and the area I live in is beautiful.

There are four seasons. Which is an oddity in Texas. It actually snows in the winter and you wear shorts and sweatshirts in the Fall - which I love. Oh, and you know how there are no restaurants in Lufkin with outside seating? Well there are here! And as silly as that sounds, it's always been a big deal to me. I love to eat outside and the weather here allows it.

So no, I will never move back. Several reasons really. I've made quite a home here. The AG and I have built our home here and we have our friends and our church family here. His business is here; and as an artist manager in the Christian Music Industry you can't really do that effectively anywhere else but here. And now there is another reason - one that really will keep me here. We buried are son here. And so I will not ever leave this area. And if that were the only reason, it would be reason enough. Don'tchaagree?

And lastly...

Suddenly Susan inquired: Melissa, what is in your CD player right now?

Well, Susy, what is in my CD player is highly disappointing. Highly. Mainly because we have gotten into the habit of downloading straight on to my ipod Nano (supercool) and therefore forget to burn copies to carry around and play in our car. So when we get in the car we are disappointed to learn that there is nothing to listen to, so it's either we listen to New Life Worship with Ross Parsley - which we know every last word to, Veggie Tales "I Love My Lips" or an old cd I made 2 years ago with my favorites on it. But the AG despises it because it still has "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" on it by the Backstreet Boys, becuase it's a great song and I still love it.

Sheesh, that was a lot of info.

So all that being said. Our Cd player is lame-o. However, if you were to look at our ipod you would find Dave Barnes (love, love, love that cd), and the groups The Last Kiss Goodnight and One Republic. We love these and they are coming in handy as great summer songs that make you tap your feet on the beach or mowing the yard, either one. (Or you can purchase "Ronnie Freeman" at you local Christian Bookstore or online at www.ronniefreemanonline.com - the AG, again.)

Well, I hope a good time was had by all. I must leave now and put underpants on the little tike who keeps running in without any. And considering she's now carrying around a half-sipped can of Coke, this could be a long night.

12 Guesses.

Let's play a game.

I'm listening to a sound.
I give you clues.
You guess what it is.

Here we go...

1. It's annoying.


2. Let's see, it's almost 2:00PM and I've been listening to it since 12:45PM.


3. It sounds like springs on a bed. Going up and down, up and down, up and down.


4. It sounds like something hitting the wall, hitting the wall, hitting the wall.


5. Oh mercy, that sound just then sounded like someone keying my car. That can't be good.


6. Now there's silence.


7. Okay, noise again.

8. Now laughter.


9. Now I hear the word "no" being repeated one right after the other in furious repetition. Followed by the words, "yes I can, yes I can, yes I can..."

Need more? Really???

10. Okay, now I hear someone yelling "Remi Hope! Go to sleep!!" at the top of their lungs.

11. Now I've heard a crash. (That would be the letter R being knocked off of her wall for the 112th day in a row.) Followed up by someone screaming, "It okay Momma, it's okay Momma, it's okay Momma."


12. Now I hear spring on bed again as she throws her body weight down as fast as she can for fear Momma will walk up the stairs. (Aaahh youth...she hasn't yet realized Momma is far too lazy to do that.)

-----------------28 minutes later-----------------

12. Sweet sweet silence.

"These are the things I could do without..."

Today's post is going to sound like I am in an awfully bad mood. Truly, I'm not. I just had a couple of these things happen to me in like, the past, 3 days...and it got me to thinkin'.

And so Tears for Fears said it best when they said,

"Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the things I could do without, so come on. I'm talking to you. Come on."

Oh, man. That was deep. Leave it to an 80's tune to say what my heart is truly feeling.

10. When the waitress walks up to your table and offers dessert and before you can say a word the person you are sitting across from at the table boldly declares, "oh my word - I couldn't eat another bite."

"Yeah...uhhhhh....me neither."

9. When two families are going out for dinner and when discussing where they should go eat...one of the families let their kids decide.

This is a social "no-no," people.

8. When tasting a dessert one friend says to the other, "Ooohhh I couldn't eat another bite of this. It is so rich."

Okay, this is just rude. Because it is not rich to me. Not at all. In fact, I thought it needed a touch more icing and now I am truly thankful I didn't say that because wouldn't that be embarrassing?

7. When the Attorney General takes me out to dinner THEN to a movie and when I ask for popcorn he says, "WE JUST ATE!"

He's right, of course. But it just feels like popcorn is the right move. I mean, why else did we come to a movie? Am I alone, here, people?

6. When I tell people I have a blog and they say, "How do you have time to do that? I would never have time for that."

Really? Because I find anywhere from 7 to 10 hours a day that I just do absolutely nothing.

5. When trying desperately to make conversation you ask someone if they watch _____ (fill in the blank with your favorite T.V. show) and they state, "I don't have time to watch T.V."

"Really? Because that's all I do is watch T.V. In fact, I haven't bathed since Veteran's day because all I've been doing is watching T.V."

4. People who wear heels with shorts.

If you are over the age of 21. Put your heels away. You do not look, I repeat, you do not look like Tyra Banks. No matter what your husband tells you.

3. People who tell me my "blog is so cute."

Cute? Seriously? Cute?

2. Messages on my phone that only say, "Hey Melissa, this is ____. Call me. I need to ask you something" or people who leave a voice mail saying, "Tag - you're it!"

Uuhhh...no. If you have something to ask me. Do it right then. So that I have time to come up with an excuse as to why I can't help you move, keep your child or go in with you on a garage sale.

1. When I have put the very first bite in my mouth and someone says "you have something between your teeth."

Chances are, if you will let me swallow this bite and drink some of my beverage the problem will take care of itself. Or maybe just let me finish my meal and then we can take care of all my teeth at one time.

So what about you? What gets under your skin?

Cuz You Gotta Have Friends.

I never laugh at forwards. Not ever. In fact, I really don't like forwards. You know the ones....This bear will break out into a song if you send this to 13 people who have been a cuddly bear with you! Or my all time favorite - Let's tell our senator that we want to bring back the swatch watch and the Coca-cola shirts. So sign this petition and send it on. Please don't break the chain.

Aargh!!!!


But the one below, actually got me tickled.


So today I'm going to tell you about some of my friends. Not all of my friends, mind you - or we'd be here for a year. I am an extremely popular person. But just some that stuck-out in my mind as I read this the other day.


Oh yeah...I'm gettin' specific.


Here's what it said:

Are you tired of those filly little 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of TRUE friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

Well, we don't call her Scrappy Doo for nothing. This shout out goes to my friend April, who I swear must walk around with a .42 in her purse at all times. If you want a friend who will defend your name and your honor till the bitter end - then look her up. She is well worth it. But I warn you - she packs heat.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

Here we have Nicolle. Whom I love and adore. Who can make me laugh any day of the week...and has. I called her after my first kiss and my first heartbreak. When I'm down she cheers me up - but not with sappy cards or kisses or flowers. But by making fun of herself. Or me. Whatever works at the time. And I love it! Plus, she's a nurse. So this just made good sense.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

We are literally night and day. Daylight and Dark. Black and white. Apples and oranges. But let me tell ya...when I need someone to ride shotgun on my "missions" - Meridith is who I want. She's sly. She's quiet. And you never see her coming. That is the most dangerous kind of friend. And I LOVE IT!

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. (Are you supposed to use people's first and last names on the internet? Or is that terribly unsafe? Oh, it is? Good.) Rhonda Brady.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

Oh, mom. Dear, sweet, mom. My best friend in the entire universe. If it's happening to me - it's already happened to her. But even worse. Because it happened years ago. When she was broke. And just married. And didn't know what to do. And there was no air conditioning. So quit complaining. I lived through it. You can too.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

Sweet Teresa. A woman of few - but impactful - words. I love her for the pure reason that why dress up in 12 paragraphs what you can easily say in 2 sentences? I once stood at her kitchen sink and poured out my heart, my soul, my problem to her for 30 whole minutes, snot and tears and the works. Her response? "No. Don't do that. It's stupid."

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

This goes out to my friend Kelli, who I think once actually avoided my phone calls because I had strep throat. Which is ironic since she is sick every other day. But if you are sick, forgetaboutit. She ain't having none of it. If you were invited - you're uninvited. If you're there and having a good time - you'll be asked to leave. If you are in the middle of a sentence and sneeze - you'll be ushered out the door. She's a dear, really.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy self!

Oh, this is sooooo Ronnie Freeman. He will point and laugh and mock and make a scene. He will laugh till he cries. He will laugh till you absolutely want to kill him. And yet I love him. Why God, why?? Because I would do the exact same thing to him. And have.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get really depressed

because you can only think of 4!

Well, that's how the email ended. But I say we do this...if you are reading this post then it's your turn. Take a moment, copy this down, and add your own friends to the list.

It's official - You've been tagged!

S-s-s-saucy weekend.

So how was your weekend?


Mine was...well, my mom is still here...so I guess that means it was...again, how was your weekend?


Oh, for pete's sake, I'm kidding.


Ours was actually really nice.


There was some fried rice eating, Wal-Mart grocery shopping, Saturday morning sleeping-in, eatin' mamma's roast, and lounging in elastic waist pants.


Good times.


There was also a wedding I had to sing at. But what can I say? I am sought out by every bride between here and Timbuktu. I think it's all the feeling I can emote and my ability to cry on cue.


But all those weekend festivities led up to the real event.....Remi's 2 year old birthday party. Which should have been called "the party that almost wasn't." Actually, it kind of was the party that wasn't. (I don't think that made sense. But I'm all hopped up on buttercream icing, so bear with me.)


Remi has run fever for 2 days.
Her Poppy and Mally got detained in Texas due to their dog running away (which is another blog for another day) and barely made it in time.
We tried to rent a moon-jumpy-bouncy-thingy, but considering the thunderstorms we were scheduled to have no one wanted to rent it to us.
And no one ever really RSVP's on Evite. So that makes it kind of hard to plan, ya know?
So I decided that all signs pointed to - next year!


So, we opted for hot dogs and Blue Bell.


But my best friends, who adore Remi (and adore me, if I'm being honest) crashed it - and I am so glad they did! What should have been some cold wienies on paper plates turned in to a house full of love, 1400 gits of sidewalk chalk and bubble machines, and CHILI-CHEESE DOGS!!Yep, the "party that was never supposed to be" turned in to "the perfect little party that was."


I loved it.
Oh, and Remi loved it too.


And Nonie made her strawberry cake.
And I made my buttercream icing.
And heaven was silent for a moment.


Okay, that's a tad over dramatic but I've been singing at a wedding and I'm still fake crying all over the place.


Oh, and one last thing. See that fab little button under my Lipo, Lifts and Links section? Well, it's called The Secret is in the Sauce. It's saucy and I think you should check it out. It's by my long-lost friends Heather and Tiffany who faithfully comment here daily, even though we've never met and they might not like me in real life if they knew what jean size I recently moved in to. Please check them out. And if you don't believe that the secret really is in the sauce...just ask Remi.